I Can't Make You Love Me
by kirahelena
Summary: A story from Addison's point of view as she tries to make her marriage work with Derek and forms a friendship with Alex. Follows cannon events from S2E12. Addex eventually. Minor Addek.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Brand new Addex story! This is going to be another long one...about 10-12 chapters. The first few are written so I'll try to update weekly. Mostly follows cannon from S2E12 onwards, so there is some Addek in there, just building on Addison's thoughts and scenes from the show. Also, fair warning, it is very slow burn. Hope you all like it (I don't think many of you liked the ending to my last story, so do give me some feedback so I can improve.) Anyway, enjoy, read and review! x**

* * *

 _Chapter 1_

* * *

Addison sat at the bar in Joe's, absently twirling the stem of her martini glass as she tapped her heel slightly on the bar stool. She glanced at the empty glasses beside her, choosing to embrace the way the alcohol gave the world a warm, fuzzy edge, feeling comforted by its effects. She shifted, wincing slightly as she stretched. The bar stools weren't made to be sat on for a long time, and she was beginning to feel a dull ache in her lower back.

She stopped twisting the glass round to take a sip out of it, choosing to drum her fingers on the base as she replaced it on the top. She fidgeted in her seat again, looking down at her attire, rolling her eyes slightly. As much as she loved her designer outfits, even she was willing to admit how out of place her pencil skirt and silk blouse looked in the bar. She wished she had gone home and changed and she would have, had she known she would been sat around waiting.

She sighed and checked her watch. 9:30. Derek had told her he'd meet her at 8 at Joe's, when she left him this morning, in response to him turning down her lunch offer. Things had been more tense than normal since the previous night's conversation and that was saying something. Their relationship hadn't exactly been sunshine and rainbows the entire time in Seattle.

Joe offered her a smile as he passed and she returned it, eyes following him down the bar to where he started serving some new customers. The smile froze on her face when she saw who he was serving: Meredith Grey and the other interns. It wasn't that she had anything against the girl per se. She had always been perfectly nice to her, and Addison made a conscious effort to return the sentiment. In many ways Meredith Grey was innocent, left in the dark about her existence by Derek and caught up in the mess they had created over the years. However, when her husband's Christmas present had been telling her that he was in love with another woman, she couldn't really help have some bad feelings towards the girl (she wasn't naive enough to believe that she would be getting anything else; Derek had been notoriously bad at presents even when things had been good between them).

It was the reason she was still here after all. Before, back in New York, when Derek had been working late and stood her up, she had gone back to the brownstone, changed into her sweats and ate Chinese food. She knew he would be expecting her to do the same here and so she sat stubbornly on the uncomfortable bar stool. After him declaring that he was in love with Meredith, she wasn't going to let him win. She wasn't sure when her marriage had become a competition.

"Hey, can I buy you a drink?" Addison turned and looked at the man who had taken a seat on her left. He wasn't unattractive: in his early forties perhaps and in his suit she could almost pretend he was a respectable business man, if it wasn't for the smell of alcohol on his breath and the way his gaze lingered on her cleavage as he leaned over to her.

She pursed her lips and frowned slightly. "No, thank you." She responded, before draining the rest of her glass.

"Oh, come on. A pretty lady like you shouldn't be all by yourself." He smiled, and she supposed he intended it to be charming, not lecherous, but that had clearly gone out the window a few scotches before.

"I'm married." She said bluntly, pushing a strand of red hair back and obviously flashing her rings. "So, not alone."

He inched even closer to her, and she shot a pleading look towards Joe, but he still had his back turned as he chatted to the interns. "Well, I don't see a husband here so why don't you have some fun? I won't tell if you don't."

She internally rolled her eyes at that, before glaring at him pointedly. "As delightful as that offer sounds, I'm going to have to ask you to leave me alone."

His gaze turned cool and harsh and before she knew it he had grabbed her wrist, gripping it tight and she let out a surprised whimper. Her eyes flicked frantically around the room, trying to get someone's attention. "Let go of me." She tried to keep her voice calm and controlled, but she couldn't keep the slight waver out.

The guy grinned down at her. "Oh, so you like to play hard to get?"

He leaned in closer and she tried to tug her wrist free, only leading to him tightening his grip painfully. "Let go." She said again, before she felt a warm hand fall on her upper back.

She looked up, expecting to maybe see Derek finally having arrived, but instead her eyes widened in surprise as they landed on Alex Karev.

"Dude, you heard what she said. Get off her." He practically growled, and she could see his hand curl into a fist out of the corner of her eye.

"Oh, are you the husband? She didn't tell me you were so young. How the hell did she get a younger man? She's not that hot." The drunk man had dropped his voice to an almost conspiring whisper, pulling painfully on her arm as he gestured with his.

The whimper of pain she let out was involuntary, as were the tears that formed in her eyes as she screwed them tightly shut. She couldn't help but think how fucking _typica_ l it was that this is what happened when she was trying to beat Derek at their ludicrous game. Somewhere in the back of her mind she heard a sickening crunch, and her eyes flew open, landing on the guy clutching his nose as blood trickled out of it, while Alex rubbed his knuckles.

"I warned you to get off her." Alex said simply, shrugging slightly from his new position, standing in front of her protectively. She was vaguely aware of the other patrons staring at the scene they were making, and Joe turning up, kicking the guy out the bar. She definitely regretted the last vodka martini, her brain struggling to catch up through her slightly drunken haze.

"Addison." Her eyes slipped to his face. "Dr Montgomery-Shepherd. You okay?"

He nodded towards her wrist which she was cradling and she shrugged, holding it up so he could see the bruises that were already starting to form. "You didn't have to do that." He raised an eyebrow at her. "I mean thank you."

"You should get some ice for that." He turned to leave and she grabbed his arm.

"Let me buy you a drink." She gave him a small smile. "To say thank you."

He frowned slightly. "Aren't you meeting someone?"

She couldn't help but roll her eyes at that. "I was meant to be meeting Derek." She saw him open his mouth to protest and leave so she jumped in quickly. "At 8. We were supposed to meet at 8. Given that it is now almost 10, I don't think he's in a hurry to get here." He chuckled slightly at her sarcastic tone and settled onto the stool next to her. "Wait, I'm not keeping you from your friends, am I?" She asked, her gaze flicking over to the group of interns who were watching them curiously.

"I don't think they'll mind." He accepted the beer she handed him. "They don't really like me."

She let out a genuine laugh at that. "Hmm, must be your lovely personality."

"Oh, I see how it is." He grumbled. "I punch a guy for you and you insult me."

She opened her mouth to apologise before spotting the small smirk on his face and she laughed again instead. "Why did you punch a guy for me anyway?"

"You looked like you needed help and no one else was around to do it."

She felt brave with the alcohol running through her system. "So there is a decent person under there?" She teased. "I almost feel bad for calling you an irresponsible jackass."

"You didn't call me an irresponsible jackass." He looked confused and she couldn't help laugh.

"Not to your face."

He faked a wounded expression before smirking at her. "You're actually quite nice and funny. I almost feel bad for calling you Satan's whore."

Her mouth dropped open in shock at that. "You actually called me that?!" He nodded sheepishly, and she frowned. "I've got to give you credit, it's original. Most people settle for ice-cold bitch."

"Well I'm not most people. Plus, you're way too fiery for that."

"Damn straight." She grinned, lifting her diet Coke (she had made the wise decision to cut herself off for the night) and tapping it to his beer. "You know Derek called me Satan when I first came here. In hindsight I bet he wishes he called me Satan's whore. More fitting."

He snorted at that and she realised that this was the first non-work conversation she'd had since her arrival in Seattle, unless she counted the pleasantries exchanged with Miranda and Preston. She was surprised to find she was enjoying it as well. "Why is Shepherd so late anyway?"

She shrugged, a wry smile on her face. "I don't know. He didn't feel the need to tell me. We don't talk much anymore, what with me being Satan's whore and him being in love with an intern."

He let out a surprise laugh and she felt a small sense of satisfaction at shocking him. "Are you always this blunt?"

She shrugged, sipping her soda. "Only when I've had a drink. Plus, I've not really got many friends round here. I'm out of practice."

"We could be friends if you want." She raised her eyebrow skeptically and he raised his hands in defence. "I'm not that bad. Promise."

"How come your other friends don't like you then?" She teased.

He played with the label of his beer bottle and she twirled a strand of hair around her finger, worried she had gone too far. She opened her mouth to tell him he didn't have to answer but, as she did, he started talking. "I was kind of dating Izzie, but I slept with a nurse and she walked in."

She snorted slightly at that. "Yeah, that will do it."

"You speaking from personal experience?" He shot back before wincing, looking cautiously at her.

She was expecting the comment to hurt and surprised even herself when she laughed. "I guess I am."

He smiled at her, sticking his hand out. "So friends?"

She shrugged before taking it, shaking his hand, noticing him wince slightly. "Friends. You need to get some ice for your hand."

She leaned over the bar and called to Joe, who handed them two bundles of ice. She handed one to Alex before pressing hers tentatively to her wrist. They fell back into their easy conversation, trading insults at one another, and she found herself unable to remember the last time she had smiled and laughed this much.

"I didn't think you'd still be here." The voice interrupted her laughing at the story Alex was telling, or rather admitting to (he was definitely sheepish about how he teased Izzie about her lingerie modelling).

She turned and faced Derek, the smile slipping off her face. "Then why did you come?"

She saw him bristle at that and she would've felt guilty if it hadn't been almost 3 hours after he said he'd meet her and she hadn't practically been assaulted in that time. "I wanted a drink." He looked between the two of them. "What are you doing with Karev?"

"We're friends." Alex answered, flashing a smile at her.

Derek frowned at that. "Since when?"

Addison waved absently at the ice packs adorning their hands. "Since some drunk guy tried to hit on me and Karev punched him." He remained silent, and she rolled her eyes exasperatedly. "Don't worry, I'm fine."

Alex snickered at her sarcastic tone, standing up when Derek glared at him. "I should get back to my friends anyway." He jerked his head towards them, leaving his bundle of ice on the bar. "Thanks for the drink, doc."

A smile crossed her face. "Thanks for saving me Karev. And don't call me doc."

"Sure thing. Satan's whore."

He walked away chuckling leaving her to shout after him, causing several people to turn and glare at her. "Irresponsible jackass!"

She huffed as he winked at her when he reached his friends. She turned back to Derek, who looked ready to throttle someone, which she found amusing considering she was about ready to throttle him. "What's your problem?" She snapped.

"You and Karev."

"I'm allowed to have friends, Derek."

"Well, I think we both remember the last time you had a friend who was a guy." He glared at her, and she stood up grabbing her purse.

"For God's sake, grow up." She hissed. "This is not going to work if you don't try. I'm the one trying, sitting in a bar for 3 hours until you can be bothered to show up, even after you told me you were in love with another woman. Jesus, your wife was practically assaulted and has the bruises to prove it and all you care about is being jealous of the guy nice enough to save her."

She stormed out of the bar and into the parking lot, before realising she had drunk too much to drive home. She kicked the wheel of her car, wincing slightly, shivering in the December air. It was one thing having a hissy fit at your husband when you lived in a 4 bed brownstone, another completely when living in a tin can in the middle of nowhere. She pulled her coat round her tightly, walking across the road to the hospital, resigning herself to a night spent in an on-call room. It's not like she wanted to go home anyway.

* * *

Addison had woken up the next day with (the majority of) her anger gone, resolving to return to the trailer with her tail between her legs and go back to 'trying'. She succeeded in keeping the peace for almost three weeks before Derek showed up beside her one morning with a _freaking_ rainbow trout and she snapped.

She tried to focus on ignoring him on the ride to work, managing to maintain the stony silence and avoid him for most of the morning until she stepped onto the elevator to find him and Meredith. Resisting the urge to roll her eyes (and scream slightly) as she watched them move away from each other, she moved to stand next to Derek as Meredith stepped out of the elevator.

She determinedly kept up the silence until he sighed dramatically, smiling at her slightly. "There is a land called Passive Aggressiva and you are their Queen."

She pursed her lips, still adamant not to look at him. "I am fine."

"Except you're shrieking about trout."

"I was not shrieking about trout." She took a deep breath when she realised how close she was to 'shrieking' again.

He scoffed at that and she clenched her fists, nails digging into her palms. "Right, you weren't. You were shrieking about Meredith."

She shook her head slightly. "No, I was shrieking about the trailer. I hate the trailer."

He looked at her in disbelief. "Oh okay, so the past three weeks have been about the trailer?"

"Yes." Even she didn't think her tone sounded genuine.

"Not the fact that I said I love Meredith."

She felt her heart clench painfully. "Loved." She breathed.

"What?" He frowned.

"You said you loved her. Past tense."

"Right, yes, past tense." He looked at the floor and she shook her head slightly, trying to believe his words, even though she knew they were fake.

She blinked back the tears in her eyes, trying to keep the wobble out of her voice as she replied. "Well, then I have been shrieking about the trailer."

Derek hummed in disbelief, as the elevator chimed, indicating they reached her floor and she walked out without another word.

She hurried down the corridor, keeping her head down before turning down a relatively unused one. She climbed up onto an unused gurney, hugging her knees to her chest and pinching the bridge of her nose as she tried to hold back the tears. She had come to the conclusion she hated this place. In fact, if she left Seattle and later heard that the whole city had drowned from all the rain, she was quite certain she would be tempted to throw a party.

She didn't want to hate it. Her job here, running a state of the art NICU with all the funding and staff she could dream of, was what she had spent her whole career working towards. It was where she had dreamed of ending up when she had started out in medical school. Yet, she would gladly trade it all for working in a low rent hospital in the middle of nowhere delivering one baby a day if it meant she could leave Seattle forever.

A shadow fell over her and she opened her eyes, squinting slightly at the figure in front of her. She relaxed marginally when she saw it was Alex standing there. Her one friend in Seattle, even if the contact between them had been minimal since their time they met in Joe's, mostly due to their hectic schedules and her desperate attempt at normalcy with Derek.

"You alright, doc?" His brow was furrowed as he looked down at her.

"Just peachy." She said dryly. "And I told you not to call me that." He climbed onto the gurney next to her, bumping his shoulder against hers as she looked at him carefully. "What are you doing?"

"Trying this whole friendship thing." He smirked at her as she rolled her eyes at him. "So… you're full of crap."

" _Excuse me?"_ Her mouth dropped in shock as he chuckled.

"Just tell me what's wrong, doc. Don't do that whole thing that women do when they say they're 'fine' until you have to drag it out of them cause I have a surgery in like 15 minutes."

"And you wonder why your friends don't like you." She teased, but she dropped her head against his shoulder and sighed. "Derek brought a trout into the trailer."

"That's not what it's about though is it?" She made a noncommittal noise, pondering how he knew her so well already. Or maybe she really was just a typical woman. "You can tell me, doc."

"You're not going to stop calling me that, are you?" She grumbled as he shook his head, grinning. "Fine, I hate the damn trailer." He raised a skeptical eyebrow, and she dropped her gaze to her hands, twisting her rings round her finger. "Derek told me that he was in love with Meredith. And still is." She whispered, a tear finally making its way down her face.

He slung an arm round her and she froze before leaning into him. "Oh. That sucks." She huffed slightly at the understatement. "He actually told you that?"

She shrugged. "He told me that he had fallen in love with her a few weeks ago. The still in love part was implied today."

He made a face. "I just realised I'm not good at giving advice. I don't know what I'm supposed to say."

She let out a laugh at that, reaching up a hand to brush her tears away. "Give it your best shot, Karev."

"Okay, but if I screw up you're not allowed to stop being friends with me. I warned you." She nodded in agreement. "The way I see it, this whole thing sucks for you. But, he's not saying he's not in love with you. He picked you, he's trying to make it work with you. Isn't that a sure sign that he cares?"

She huffed slightly. "You really are crap at this."

He gave her a small smile. "I warned you, doc. I'm just saying he can't turn off his feelings, no matter how crazy hot you are."

"I'm supposed to just wait it out?"

"If you think the end result is worth it then yeah." She turned her head to kiss his cheek to thank him. "I've got to go to my surgery."

He stood up off the gurney and she grinned at him. "So you think I'm hot?"

"Like the devil." He winked at her.

She shook her head and smiled at him. "Don't you mean Satan's whore?"

He chuckled at that, starting to leave before turning back. "Hey, you want to grab a drink tonight? Cheer you up?"

She bit her lip. The offer was tempting: a couple of margaritas and some easy conversation would really take her mind off the one woman pity party she had thrown herself. If only she didn't have to actually fix the problem. "Thanks for the offer Karev but I need to go make nice with my ass of a husband. Rain check?"

"Sure thing, doc." He replied easily. "And I'm not great at the relationship thing, but I think to make nice you shouldn't call him an ass."

"Damn it." She muttered, while he walked away laughing to himself. She pushed herself up from the gurney, tugging on her dress slightly and straightening her lab coat, before walking confidently back down the corridor to her patient's room. She could do this.

Later, when she returned home to Derek cooking the trout outside, she thought back to her and Alex's conversation earlier that day. She took his beer and sipped it.

"There is a land called Passive Aggresiva and I am their Queen." She admitted with a small smile.

He smirked at her. "Thats all I'm saying."

"So, what with Meredith?" She took a deep breath and played with the label slightly. "Am I just supposed to wait it out? Wait until it passes?"

"That'd be good."

She pursed her lips slightly. "I still hate the trailer." She said, handing him back his beer. She couldn't let him win completely, of course.

"As is your right." He responded, a wry smile on his face. Maybe this could work after all.

* * *

Addison stepped out of the attendings locker room, adjusting the skin tight red dress she had changed into and running her fingers through her curls slightly. She headed down to the lobby with a smile on her face, excited for her evening plans for the first time in months.

She sat down on a chair and pulled out her cell, scrolling through some emails while she waited for Derek. She tapped her heel impatiently on the floor, the rhythm helping extend her patience.

"You know how annoying that is, doc?"

She looked up from her phone, and raised an eyebrow, deliberately tapping her foot louder. "What can I do for you, Karev?"

"You're smart, right?" She scoffed slightly at that, a smile beginning to form at the corner of her lips. He flopped on the chair next to her. "I mean you have like a lot of long complicated medical sounding accomplishments."

"Wow. Aren't you a surgical intern? Shouldn't you understand those accomplishments?" She asked dryly and he nudged her playfully. "I am pretty smart, yeah. What do you want?"

"Trivia night tonight at Joe's. We usually suck. Want to come with?"

She smiled softly at the invitation. "I've actually got plans tonight, Karev."

His eyes drifted over her attire for the first time and he smirked slightly. "I should've guessed. Bit overdressed for work. Or Joe's. Where you going?"

"Derek's taking me out for dinner. That fancy Italian place near the Needle. I've been wanting to go there for weeks." She noticed a hesitant look cross his face. "What?"

"Nothing." He said quickly, rubbing the back of his neck nervously as she glared at him. "It's just… Shepherd's name is on the OR board. He has a craniotomy scheduled at 8pm."

Her face fell and she gave him a sharp nod, biting her lip slightly as she tried not to let her disappointment show. She started tapping her heel again in frustration and she barely noticed until Alex put a hand on her knee, stopping her. He gave her a crooked smile, which she supposed was meant to be comforting. She took a deep breath and did her best to give him one of her own. "So trivia night?"

He stood up and offered her his hand. "Well, even if we suck at trivia maybe you could distract the other teams with your outfit, doc."

"Shut up." She huffed at him. "Who else is on the team?"

"Yang, O'Malley, Meredith and Izzie." Her face paled at that and she froze, halfway out the door.

"Half of them _hate_ me. Are you sure it's a good idea?"

He shrugged. "Half of them hate me too. Who cares? Let's just have fun."

He ushered her out the door and across the road, hand on the small of her back. "I care." She grumbled.

"Lighten up, doc." He teased as he held the door open for her.

"You owe me a drink."

He shook his head at that. "Hardly seems fair. You earn more in a week than I do in a year."

She raised an eyebrow at him, refusing to move into the bar. "Not when you deduct tax."

"Funny." He deadpanned, as she smirked. "Fine, I'll buy you a god damn drink. Satan."

"What happened to the whore bit?" She asked as she moved past him, heading towards the bar.

"I decided to drop it now that I like you." He said with a shrug, ordering himself a beer and waving at Addison to get her to order something.

"I'll have a gin and tonic." She looked at Alex sideways, a smile playing at the corner of her mouth. "Make it a double, Joe."

Alex held his hand to his heart, faking a wounded expression. "I might add the whore bit back on, doc."

She let out a light laugh, patting him on the shoulder as Joe handed her the drink. "Just put it on my tab."

"You ever gonna pay that?" Joe asked.

"Sure I am." Alex shrugged as Addison and Joe both looked at each other skeptically. "When I become an attending. Or get a rich girlfriend."

She snorted at that. "Good luck with that, jackass."

"I wonder why I'm friends with you." He said, rolling his eyes as he led her in the direction of the other interns, sitting in a booth.

She elbowed him lightly. "I wonder the same thing."

They stopped and stood awkwardly in front of the other interns. Addison stood slightly behind Alex, nervously fiddling with the straw in her drink. She had what she hoped was a smile on her face, although she was convinced it was more of a grimace. Their eyes flicked between them curiously, until Alex threw himself down into the booth, shuffling along to make room for her. She perched nervously on the edge of the seat, until Alex rolled his eyes and pulled her fully onto it.

"Hey, I brought reinforcements." Alex said, nodding his head in her direction. "You know as we suck."

"I don't remember us ever inviting you on our team in the first place." Izzie snapped at him.

"Iz." Meredith interrupted her, giving her a pointed look. "I invited him after last time. He knows sport stuff."

Alex snorted at that. "The fact you call it 'sport stuff' shows how good you are at that topic, Mer."

"What about you Dr Montgomery-Shepherd? You got a specialist subject?" George asked.

She tried to swallow the shock of being asked a question by taking a large gulp of her gin and plastering a smile on her face. "Please call me Addison."

Alex frowned at that. "I don't call you Addison."

She smiled sweetly at him. "Yes, but you're an irresponsible jackass, remember?"

Cristina let out a chuckle. "She's going to be good for the team. She keeps Evil Spawn in check. Let's just hope she's actually good at trivia."

"I'm good at art." She chimed, stirring her drink slightly before giving a small smile. "And celebrity gossip."

"That could be useful." Izzie admitted reluctantly.

"Anything would be useful. The highest we've finished is second to last." Alex said before looking sideways at her with a smile. "Plus, she might be able to help us with some general knowledge. You know, with the generation gap."

Addison's mouth dropped open with shock, as the others looked between them nervously. She hit the back of his head as he almost doubled over laughing at her. "Jackass! How old do you think I am?!"

"I don't know, doc. Did they have electricity back then?"

She huffed at him. "I'm going to freaking kill you. You're buying my drinks all night."

He stopped laughing at that and she smirked with achievement. "Fine, fine! I'm only kidding anyway. You're like what…35?"

"I'm 38 today actually." She admitted quietly.

He eyed her up and down appreciatively. "38 and you look like that? You impress me more everyday."

She shook her head at his antics, hitting his arm lightly. "Eyes on my face, Karev. I swear you are a sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen."

"Good job you're not going to report me then, doc." He teased, winking at her.

The others sat eyeing the pair of them warily. "Wait, did you say it was your birthday today?" Meredith asked Addison.

Alex tensed beside her, his demeanour completely changing, clearly not having picked up on that piece of information when she said it. "It's your birthday?" She nodded. "That _jackass_ stood you up on your birthday and didn't even tell you?"

Addison shrugged as everyone looked at the table uncomfortably. "It wouldn't be the first time." Alex scoffed loudly and she rolled her eyes. "Karev, it's fine, it doesn't matter."

"Doesn't sound fine to me." Cristina muttered under her breath to Meredith as everyone else snickered and Addison glared at her annoyed.

"Okay, it's not fine, it sucks! But it's my damn birthday so I'm going to get very drunk and have a good time." She snapped before taking a deep breath as everyone looked at her alarmed.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked softly and she plastered a fake smile on her face in response, turning to pat Alex's shoulder slightly.

"Karev, is going to buy me another G&T and then I'll be just fine." He opened his mouth to protest and she raised an eyebrow, cutting him off. "Make it a double."

"Satan." He muttered under his breath and she hit his arm, a more genuine smile pulling at the corner of her mouth. "I meant anything for the birthday girl."

She rolled her eyes at she stood up so he could head to the bar, shaking her head at him when he winked at her from the bar. She shifted awkwardly as she sat back down, realising that now she was left alone with the rest of the interns. It was funny really; she was so confident around them at work and yet now, in a social setting, she was about ready to run a mile.

"So, Dr Montgomery-Shepherd." George started and she shot him a look. "Addison." He corrected as she smiled. "I didn't know you and Alex were friends?"

"It's a relatively recent development." She shrugged, finishing off what was left in her glass.

"And you actually like him?" Izzie asked, clutching her leg as Meredith kicked her."What? It's a valid question! He _is_ an ass…"

"He's our friend." Meredith asserted, glaring at all the interns.

An involuntary smile pulled at the corner of Addison's mouth as everyone looked at Meredith in disbelief. "Yeah, I like him." She spotted Alex approaching the booth again and couldn't help but add. "He is an ass though."

He put her drink down in front of her, nudging her so she moved over. "You saying nice things about me again?"

"Of course." She smiled sweetly at him, raising her glass at him in thanks.

"She called you an ass." Izzie said, in spite of everyone's warning glances.

Alex just chuckled and slung his arm on the back of booth behind her. "Sounds more like you, doc."

"What can I say? I am Satan after all."

"I don't like this. It's weird." George looked between them and Addison couldn't help but laugh at the confused look on his face. "And he bought her a drink. He never buys us a drink."

"Dude, is it your birthday?" George shook his head. "Then you don't get a drink. Plus, I actually like her."

Addison watched as the interns bickered amongst themselves and she realised as much as they may protest otherwise, they did all genuinely like each other. She remembered the other week in the OR gallery when she spoke to Derek about the fact she was lonely and realised the words had never been more true. She missed her life in New York; she used to have friends, easy friendship and camaraderie like all the interns had. Now all she had was a husband who hated her.

She sipped her gin as Alex tapped her shoulder to break her out of daze. She offered him a soft smile as she realised her earlier thoughts weren't quite true: she had Derek and she had Alex. He may act like an utter pain in the ass but she was so grateful he had decided to be her friend. She was glad to have someone on her side on the West Coast.

"Hey, doc, you still with us?"

She hummed in acknowledgement, giving them an apologetic smile. "Sorry, what were you saying?"

"We asked your thoughts on tequila." Meredith said with a smile.

"Tequila?" She screwed her face up slightly in confusion.

"It's your birthday so tequila shots?" Yang shrugged and she realised that they were trying to include her. Perhaps there was hope for not being so alone after all, no matter how unconventional the company.

"I don't know how useful I'll be at the quiz if I have tequila."

Alex chuckled. "And there's the real reason we come last every week."

"You know what? Tequila sounds great."

"Great." Meredith echoed, standing up to head to the bar.

Alex nudged her slightly. "You sure you're up for this doc? Can you keep up with us at your age?"

She elbowed his ribs causing him to splutter on his beer slightly. "With age comes experience, jackass."

He smirked back at her. "Bring it on, Satan."

* * *

It was as Addison stumbled through the main entrance of the hospital with Alex's help in the early hours of that morning, she was willing to admit that maybe she could not keep up with them. She stopped him in the lobby as she bent down and attempted to take her heels off, Alex eventually rolling his eyes and helping her.

"You sure you don't want to go home doc? Instead of crashing in an on call room?"

She shook her head sharply, regretting the movement as it made her head spin more than it already was. "Can't. My husband lives in the freaking woods in a trailer where no cabs go."

"Fine." He steadied her as she tripped, wrapping his arm fully around her waist and picking up her shoes up in the other hand. "Let's get you to bed."

"Sexual harassment." She muttered, giggling at his eye roll.

"Only with your dirty mind."

They continued in silence for a while, the journey to the nearest room taking twice as long in her drunken state. She heard Alex let out a groan and lifted her gaze from the floor, where she had been busy focusing on where to put her feet, to see Richard and Miranda standing in front of them.

Richard frowned between them. "Karev, what are you doing with Dr Shepherd?"

"She's drunk, sir." He replied simply, still not letting go of her which she was grateful for; she was almost certain if he let go she would not be able to stand.

She hiccuped slightly as she went to respond. "That is completely true, Richard."

Miranda rolled her eyes. "Well we can see that. It doesn't really answer our question though."

"Look, I'm just helping her the nearest on-call room so she can sleep it off." Alex replied with a shrug.

Richard sighed. "Bailey, go with them and give Karev a hand, will you?"

"Yes sir." She walked with them as they started moving again "How did you even get that drunk?"

"I tried to keep up with 30 year old interns when doing tequila shots." She screwed up her face slightly as her stomach turned at the thought of tequila.

She was vaguely aware of Alex chuckling. "Turns out experience doesn't beat youth."

Bailey let out a loud sigh as they reached the doors to the elevator. "The on call room on 4 is free. I'll grab her some scrubs and meet you up there."

She shot Miranda a drunken smile as Alex helped her in the elevator and she learnt against the back wall. "You're going to regret this in the morning, doc." He teased as she dropped her head to his shoulder.

"Probably." She relented. "I had fun though. Your friends are nice. When they're not hating me."

She felt him kiss the top of her head as he chuckled. "Yeah, I find that too."

They both froze as the elevator stopped off at a floor and the doors opened to reveal Derek standing there. He shot his hand out to hold the doors open. "What's going on?"

His voice was harsh and a small part of her was aware what it must look like with her leaning on Alex but she wasn't able to stand straight. "Karev took me to trivia night with the other interns. As it's my birthday." She frowned as she remembered she was meant to be pissed at him and spat out the rest of her sentence. "How was the craniotomy?"

Derek shook his head as it took her several attempts to get the word out. "You're drunk."

"Yep." She replied simply. "And you stood me up. Again."

"I'm not having this conversation now. I'm exhausted. I'm going home."

He went to move his hand from holding the doors open when Alex cut in. "Dude, you don't want to take her home with you?"

"She's drunk." Derek repeated as he let the doors begin to shut. "She's better off sleeping here."

"I don't like your husband much." Alex told her as the elevator started moving again.

"Me neither. Not right now." He chuckled at that and she joined in, allowing him to pull her into the on call room as they reached the right floor.

Miranda walked into the room a few seconds later, holding some navy scrubs for her and Alex turned around as she helped her change. Addison reached out and patted her shoulder, laughing at the unamused look on her face. "You are a good friend, Miranda."

"Yeah, whatever." She said as she finished. "I'll see you tomorrow. Hopefully you would've sobered up by then."

Miranda left the room and she smiled at Alex. "And then there were two."

"Yeah." He smiled at her as he pulled the sheets up over her. "I'll see you tomorrow as well, doc."

She reached a hand out to clumsily pat his cheek. "Thank you for tonight. You're not always a jackass."

"And you're not always, Satan." He kissed her cheek before standing and moving to the door. "Sleep well."

Addison yawned sleepily, before smiling at him. "I'll buy you a drink some time to thank you."

"I'm gonna hold you to that one, doc." He chuckled as he left the room, turning the light out and shutting the door behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for the great response to the first chapter! Here's the next instalment, covering events from s2e14 and s2e15. Next chapter will be up in a week** **and it's the bomb episodes, so lots of drama!**

 **Let me know what you all think, I do listen to what you have to say! x**

* * *

 _Chapter 2_

* * *

Addison had woken the next day with a huge headache, groaning as she remembered how much she drank the night before. She never should have let the other interns suggest tequila, remembering now why she had barely drank it since med school. She _definitely_ shouldn't have let Alex turn it into a competition; her competitive nature was in overdrive what with the ongoing 'game' she had with Derek.

God, Derek. She remembered bumping into him the night before and the look on his face when he saw her leaning on Alex in the elevator. Objectively, she could see how it looked to him, could even understand how he must feel given how she betrayed him with Mark. However, she couldn't bring herself to feel any sympathy for him, especially given the only reason she was out with Alex and the other interns was because he stood her up on her birthday.

She pulled herself from the on call room bed and made her way to the attendings locker room, having a quick shower to try and wash the smell of the bar out of her hair and skin. She retrieved her makeup bag from her locker and set about applying it when the door opened and her husband walked in, freezing when he saw her.

"Not too hungover then?" He spat out as she rolled her eyes and continued doing her blush.

"Well, my head hurts." She muttered as he scoffed.

"Not surprising." He slammed his locker loudly and she winced; both because of her hangover and what she knew was about to come. "What the Hell were you playing at? Are you trying to act like a child, throwing your toys out the pram because you didn't get your way?"

She huffed at that, feeling her own anger from the night before bubbling up inside her. "Didn't get my way? Derek, it was my _birthday_. You left me sat in the lobby of the hospital waiting for you while you had scheduled to do a craniotomy. God, if Karev hadn't have shown up and told me who knows how long I'd have sat there." She cursed loudly as she stabbed herself in the eye with her mascara, throwing it down on the floor angrily.

She saw him soften slightly and felt a small sense of achievement. "Nothing's happening between you two?"

She shook her head adamantly at that. "We're just friends. I needed a friend, Derek, I'm lonely."

"I'm sorry. For not telling you about the surgery." She pursed her lips slightly as it became clear he didn't realise she was pissed that he had scheduled it all but nodded in acceptance regardless. Small victories, after all. "So, trivia night…You win?"

"No." She chuckled slightly. "The interns reintroduced me to tequila…needless to say it didn't end well."

"You couldn't even drink that in med school, let alone at 37."

"38." She muttered.

"Right, it was your birthday." He shifted uncomfortably, and she triumphantly retrieved her mascara from the floor and continued applying it. "Who was on your team?"

"Karev, O'Malley, Yang, Stevens and, um, Meredith…"

He frowned at that as she tried not to react. "You went out with Meredith?"

She shrugged, raising an eyebrow. "Is that a problem?"

"No." His voice was strangely high and she internally rolled her eyes. "I didn't think you would…get on?"

"She's nice." She said simply, not willing to give anything else away. "Clearly, you think so too."

He ignored her comment as they resumed getting ready in silence. She knew she should try to keep the peace, avoid the small digs at him but she couldn't resist. It was just too tempting, especially when he refused to acknowledge his part in the break down of their marriage.

She was just pulling her lab coat on when her pager went off and she picked it up, frowning when she saw what it was. She went to leave without saying anything to Derek, her own petty form of rebellion, but he grasped her arm before she left the room.

"How about I make dinner tonight? For your birthday?"

As much as she hated it, a smile did creep across her face at his attempt at reconciliation and she raised an eyebrow at him. "Will it be trout?"

"Perhaps." He teased back.

She leant in and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Just make sure you cook it outside."

He chuckled and she felt her heart flutter, realising the reason she stuck around through all of this mess. She left the room to answer her page with a final smile shot at him over her shoulder.

* * *

"There he is." Addison said, giving Miranda a reassuring smile as she moved the ultrasound wand over her stomach. "Heartbeat's strong. Since there's no dilation or effacement, looks like nothing more than Braxton Hicks."

Bailey sat up and fixed her shirt as she frowned at her. "Except I know the mild concerned tone. I've used it myself from time to time."

She let out a heavy sigh, already knowing what the response would be to her comment. "Sometimes, Miranda, false labour is the body's way of telling you to slow down."

"I'm a surgeon." Bailey snapped back instantly.

"I understand the realities of your job but _you_ need to understand of the realities of your pregnancy and take it easy." She ignored the glare she was getting and instead smiled sympathetically, resting her hand on top of Miranda's. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Uh, yeah for starters you can help me get up off this damn table." Addison pulled her up without a word and frowned at the look Bailey was giving her. "Are you sure your blood alcohol levels are low enough to be practising medicine anyway?"

"Miranda, what…Oh." She blushed a deep shade of red as she remembered bumping into Richard and Miranda on her way into the hospital. "Oh. Sorry you had to see that."

"Mhmm, me too." She shook her head at her disapprovingly and Addison smiled weakly, wishing she could be anywhere but having this conversation. "What are you doing?"

"What?" A frown found it's way onto her face as she looked at Miranda's reproachful expression.

"With Karev, Addison."

She felt anger bubbling up inside at that and tried to damp it down, plastering an overly sweet smile on her face. "We're friends, Miranda."

"Is that all?" Bailey sighed heavily. "Just be careful. Especially as you're trying to make it work with your husband."

Addison opened her mouth to snap back; any previous thoughts she had of not letting her anger show had gone thoroughly out of the window. She was fed up with everyone jumping to conclusions about her. Just because she made a mistake in sleeping with Mark did not mean she was about to jump in bed with every guy she spoke to. She had learnt her lesson and she was an adult, she could be trusted around people.

Luckily, there was a knock on the door before she could get any words out and she pursed her lips as Izzie entered. "Dr Bailey. The GI lab has a couple of questions about Miss Miyazaki's esophagram."

"Well, let's go." Miranda replied, raising an eyebrow as if daring Addison to say something.

She just shook her head slightly, letting her leave before stopping Izzie. "Dr Stevens. Keep an eye on her today. Watch out for any painful contractions. More than 5 in an hour. Anything that could indicate pre-term labour."

Izzie shook her head slightly and she gave her a tense smile. "The favour is not for me, Stevens. You know that."

She nodded, going to walk off when Addison stopped her again. "I thought we were okay."

"Because of last night?" Addison shrugged at that. "Just because you are friends with Alex, doesn't mean all is forgiven. I'm not even friends with him."

"Right." She muttered, annoyed at herself for thinking that maybe she would be able to make friends here.

Izzie shot her a weird look, surveying her carefully. "As you are his friend…He got his test results this morning and is refusing to open them. Like an idiot."

"Test results?"

"Forget I said anything." She left the room hastily, leaving Addison looking after her in confusion.

Today just wasn't her day: from her argument with Derek this morning, to her tense discussion with Miranda and the awkward conversation with Stevens. Her lingering headache wasn't helping matters at all either. She resolved to head back to the attending's lounge for a much needed coffee and aspirin before having to deal with anyone else today.

* * *

Addison sat on one of the tables at the edge of the outside area, shaking her head slightly as she watched the interns take part in what appeared to be some sort of eating competition. She felt old watching them; not being able to remember a time where she acted so carefree, especially when all she was thinking now was how they were spilling hotdog down themselves.

She supposed she had never behaved like that, having grown up with parents who were overly keen on appearances. The closest she had come in a long time was the previous night spent drinking and even that had been partly to avoid her problems rather than just to solely have fun.

A smile played at the corner of her mouth as they all stood up, with Yang looking like she was going to throw up. They all ran off and Alex stopped just short of her table, looking back at Yang laughing.

"Hey." She greeted, causing him to look over at her in surprise, dropping down into the seat next to her.

"What's up, doc?" He asked before chuckling at his own joke, Addison rolling her eyes in exasperation.

"Real original." She snarked, screwing up her face as he took a handful of of her chips. "How are you still eating?"

"You saw that then?"

She smirked at him, happy to have the opportunity to tease him. "Yang kicked your ass. Beaten by a woman."

"Yang isn't a woman, she's a freaking robot." He tipped his head, studying her as she shifted uncomfortably. "You okay, doc?"

"I have a slight headache." She admitted reluctantly as he laughed at her. "I was wanting to ask how you were actually?"

"Me? I was nowhere near as drunk as you." He smirked. "Though you're fun when drunk. Overly chatty. And inappropriate. It's hot."

She groaned loudly. "Jackass. Stevens said something about some test results?"

She watched as his whole body froze at that, his whole demeanour changing as he glared at her defensively. "She shouldn't have said anything."

"Karev…" He resolutely avoided her gaze and she sighed, resting her hand on his shoulder. "Alex."

That caught his attention and he looked up at her, frowning. "You never call me Alex."

"We're friends." She said simply. "For this friendship crap to work you don't have to just listen to my mess and give me advice. It works both ways. I'm here for you too."

He ignored her and she waited patiently for a while before sighing, moving to stand. "Forget it, Karev."

He grabbed her wrist and she paused, looking at him expectantly. "I failed my practical boards. I had my retest just after Christmas."

"And you haven't open the results."

"Won't know that I'm no longer a surgical intern if I don't read it." He shrugged.

"That's crap." Addison nudged him with her knee as he resumed glaring at her. "Oh come on, Karev, it's not like you to be scared."

"You don't know anything about me." He snapped and she resisted the urge to start an argument with him.

"You're right." She replied instead. "But I do know that although you are a jackass and have the bedside manner of a toddler, you're damn good at what you do. And you're going to be a great surgeon one day."

He nodded at her and she relaxed slightly. "I'm from Iowa. "

"What?"

"I'm from Iowa. Went to college at Iowa State on a wrestling scholarship." She continued to look at him with a puzzled frown. He let out an exasperated sigh and slung an arm around her shoulders. "Now you know something about me, doc."

"Oh." She responded uselessly.

He pressed a kiss against her cheek before standing up. "I have to go back to work, but we're alright yeah?"

"Sure." She paused, smiling teasingly at him. "Jackass."

"Satan." He countered automatically.

She called after him as he started to walk away. "Open the results."

He didn't respond but she wasn't expecting him to. She rubbed her temples as her headache worsened; everyone had been so difficult to talk to today and she was sure it wasn't solely down to her headache. She appreciated Alex being her friend, only she wished he wasn't always such hard work to talk to.

Saying that, she did appreciate how he always knew the right thing to say to her and she felt like they had turned a corner today. She did have fun when they spent time together, last night especially and she was probably just being melodramatic in her hungover state.

Addison stood, throwing her half eaten bag of chips away, before heading back to work. She resolved to snap herself out of her depressive state and try to focus on the good things: today and in general. Starting with looking forward to her evening in with Derek.

* * *

Addison walked down the corridor, next to Miranda in a wheelchair as the rest of the interns trailed behind them.

"Bed rest at home until the baby comes. You do know what bed rest is don't you Miranda?"

"Yeah, Hell." She muttered under her breath and Addison couldn't help but roll her eyes.

She was glad that the earlier awkwardness from her previous conversation with Miranda had gone. It was one thing she really liked about the woman: she said her piece and them would leave it be. She squeezed her shoulder sympathetically when they reached the elevator, standing back to let the interns say something.

"Hell with TV and books." Izzie said as she handed Bailey a present. "Here, it's from all of us."

Addison chuckled as Miranda begrudgingly took it, smiling at her as the doors started to close. She walked off, pausing at the end of the corridor as she saw the elevator door stop closing, Bailey's voice travelling down the hall.

"I may be 47 months pregnant. I may be on bed rest. I may not be able to see my own feet but I am Dr. Bailey. I hear everything. I know everything. I'm watching each and every one of you. And I will return."

The doors closed as she finished, leaving the interns staring at the doors with wary expressions. Addison let out a snort of amusement; the whole speech so typical of the other woman. They started heading down the corridor and Addison waited before joining Alex, the pair of them dropping back behind the others.

"She scare you into behaving?" She teased, bumping her shoulder into him.

"No." He smirked at her. "Takes more than that to make me behave, doc."

"I'm pretty sure that's sexual harassment, jackass." She deadpanned back, a smile playing at the corner of her mouth. She was glad that their serious talk earlier hadn't impacted their friendship and they had fallen back into their easy conversations.

"Think it's just you and your dirty mind myself." He countered easily.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Is that anyway to talk to your boss?"

"It is when your boss is Satan."

He chuckled as she hit his chest with Miranda's chart that she was still holding. "Did you open it then?"

"I got Izzie to." He admitted quietly.

"And?"

"Going to have to put up with me for a while yet." He grinned at her and she didn't know what came over her but she stopped, throwing her arms around him. He froze and awkwardly patted her back. "We're hugging?"

"Yeah, we are." She mumbled against his shoulder.

"I don't hug, doc." He said as she pulled back.

She smirked at him. "Well, I do. And I'm proud of you. Get used to it."

"Fine, fine." In spite of his previous words, he slung his arm round her, pulling her to his side for a one armed hug and pressing a kiss to her temple. "I have to go back to work now but you can take me out one night this week. Buy me that drink you promised me last night to celebrate."

"Deal." She agreed as he walked off. She was already looking forward to it, although already resolving to not drink as much as the previous day. She had a small smile on her face as she headed back to the attendings lounge to grab her bag, ready for her night with Derek.

* * *

Addison couldn't help but smile as she climbed out of her car and saw the table outside the trailer set with a candle. She walked up to where Derek was cooking on the grill and rested her hands on his shoulders, squeezing lightly.

"It's not trout." He said, turning to look at her.

"It's not." She bent down to kiss him lightly. "Thank you for this."

He just shrugged lightly. "It is your birthday."

She bit down on the comment that rose to the surface: that her birthday was yesterday and he stood her up. Instead she pressed another kiss to his lips, forcing the smile to remain on her face. "How long until dinner's ready?"

"Long enough that you have time to change. I was going to pour you a glass of wine but wasn't too sure you'd be up for drinking." She bristled at that and he held his hands up defensively. "It was a joke, Addie."

She nodded before heading into the trailer to change into a pair of jeans and a thick jumper. She went to the fridge and poured herself a large glass of wine, drinking half of it at once before topping it up and heading outside, briefly debating when alcohol became a necessity to spend an evening with her husband. She frowned as she saw their dinner served up on the table, her husband nowhere in sight. "Derek?" She called out, settling onto a chair and sipping her wine when there was no response.

Addison pulled her phone out, scrolling through her emails absently, smiling when she saw she had one from Savvy. Picking at her dinner with one hand, she typed out a response to the vacation photos Savvy had sent with the other. The pictures warmed her heart to see; they were just silly and smiley snaps of her and Weiss in the sun. She was glad that they were doing well and that the emotions brought up from her surgery seemed to have gone away. At the same time she felt jealousy creeping in, leaving a bitter taste in her mouth that she attempted to wash away with the remainder of her wine.

She headed back into the trailer to retrieve the rest of the wine bottle, Derek still not having reappeared from wherever he disappeared off to. She toyed with her phone as she settled back on the deck, debating whether she should call him. Deciding against it, she placed the phone on the table, picking up her filled wine glass instead, hugging her knees to her chest.

After all the promises Derek had made over the last few weeks ( _years_ , even) and broken, she wondered if she was ever going to stop being naive enough to believe him. Her life was beginning to feel like an endless cycle of letdowns, and as much as she kept telling herself to not be so negative, she really struggled to see an end in sight. As much as she knew she was partly to blame for the current state of her marriage, she wondered if she was wrong to think she deserved better.

The wine bottle was almost empty when Derek approached the trailer, his cell clutched in his hand. She smiled demurely at him; the volume of wine having softened her anger. "I was wondering where you got to. Your dinner's cold."

"Sorry." He said, although he didn't really sound apologetic. "I have a favour to ask actually."

He took a seat next to her, picking his beer up from earlier and taking a swig. She looked sideways at him through her eyelashes, twirling the stem of her empty glass absently. She had a feeling she wasn't going to like what he was going to ask.

* * *

Addison sighed as she heard the car pull up outside, walking to the door to see Izzie, George and Meredith exiting the Jeep. They pulled dog toys out the trunk before retrieving the dog and heading towards the trailer. Addison took a deep breath and wrapped her jumper tightly around herself, following her husband out the door towards them, a smile plastered on her face.

"Hey Doc. Hey buddy. He's beautiful." Derek greeted and she felt her heart clench at the look he was giving Meredith.

Addison took the outstretched lead, bending down to stroke his head. "Hey, he's beautiful."

Meredith shot her a grateful smile, and she almost felt bad for all the negative thoughts she had about the girl. She had always made an effort to be nice, plus the previous night she had tried her best to include her.

"I brought his toys." Izzie said and she reached out to take them from her, awkwardly juggling the toys and the leash.

George thrust the items he was carrying towards Derek. "And his food and water."

Meredith shifted awkwardly, looking up to meet Addison's eye. "Thanks for doing this. I know it's a lot to ask."

"It's alright. It's just a dog, right?" Her eyes flicked towards where Derek was still looking at Meredith intently and her whole body was screaming that no, it was not _just_ a dog.

"Right." Meredith echoed and the small group glanced nervously between each other. "You coming to trivia night again next week?"

She looked at her in surprise, ignoring the way her husband tensed next to her. "I'm not sure. Why?"

"You should." Meredith started to ramble. "Come, I mean. It was fun, you're good for the team. And Alex would like it, so...yeah. Come."

Addison nodded slightly, a more genuine smile on her face. "Okay, I'll try to make it." She took one last glance at the group of interns before tugging slightly on Doc's lead. "Come on Doc."

She took the dog into the trailer, letting him off to explore his new home, his enthusiasm causing an involuntary smile. She edged the curtains back on one of the windows, watching as Stevens and O'Malley headed back to the car. Her eyes lingered on Derek chatting to his ex-girlfriend and she couldn't help but curse her for being so welcoming to her just now. If only she was hostile, ignored her, _anything_ that stopped her feeling guilty for resenting Meredith's presence in the world right now.

Grey headed back to the car and she let the drapes fall in frustration as Derek's gaze followed her every move. She perched next to the dog who had settled himself on their bed, stroking her hands through his fur reassuringly. "It's going to be alright, Doc."

She wasn't sure she was fooling either of them.

* * *

The Nurse's strike was really making Addison's life difficult at work. Not that she didn't appreciate that they deserved more rights, just that she was _exhausted._ Derek had failed to mention that the dog they had gained was not house broken at all and liked to bark throughout the night. Her patience was already running thin and if one more temp nurse asked her what they were supposed to do, she was going to snap.

She grabbed her patient's chart from the nurse's station and headed over to where the interns were gathered around their resident. She let out an internal groan when all the other interns left, leaving Izzie as the only one available. Today was not the day she wanted to deal with her passive aggressive comments.

"Hey, Dr Stevens?"

She frowned when Izzie responded eagerly. "Yeah." That was definitely out of character for her.

"Could use you on a consult?" She asked tentatively, not trusting that the personality change was permanent.

"Ok. I'm on it. Absolutely." She dropped what she was holding and grabbed the chart out of Addison's hand, following her as she headed off perplexed.

"Have you…forgiven me?" She decided to venture as they neared the patient's room.

Izzie shrugged. "If it means I can get away from Dr 'Heals With Love' then sure."

"And you don't mind me coming to trivia night tomorrow?" She checked.

"Meredith invited you, didn't she?" Addison nodded. "Then it's fine."

"Okay." She agreed, straightening her top slightly as she forced herself back into her professional demeanour. She swears the longer she spends in Seattle, the harder it becomes to remain the consummate professional she found so easy to be in New York. Although, she supposed it had gone out the window there as soon as she slept with Mark.

God, she really did not make life easy for herself.

* * *

Addison froze as she saw Derek approach Meredith in the corridor, a smile on his face. A frown settled on her face as she remembered a time when he used to smile at her like that, back when they first met in med school. Or how he looked at her on their wedding day. God, she missed that. She was beginning to wonder if it was even possible that he would ever look at her like that again.

She plastered a smile on her face, clutching the chart she was holding closer to her chest as she approached them, picking up on their low conversation.

"He's your dog now." Meredith was telling him, and he hummed disbelieving at her. "I miss him."

She saw Derek opening his mouth to respond and she quickly interrupted. "He misses you too."

"Ah." She tried not to be disheartened by his obvious annoyance at her presence.

"You should come visit." She chimed, trying to fill the silence that had formed. A chuckle slipped out as she saw the uncomfortable look on Meredith's face. "The dog, I mean."

Meredith shook her head slightly, a smile playing at the corner of her mouth. "I'm walking away now."

Addison's eyes followed her as she walked away, before turning to her husband, a flirty smile on her face. She was going to show him what he already had if it killed her. "So, um, I'm looking for a neurosurgeon to consult on a foetal spinal tumour." She fluttered her eyelashes at him. "You know anybody good?"

Derek let out a chuckle and she felt her heart warm as he smiled at her. At least she still had it.

* * *

Addison wandered into Joe's that evening to find it almost bursting at the seams with all the nurse's from the strike. She weaved her way carefully through the crowd, desperate for a martini before heading home. Her attention was drawn to the other side of the bar, where Joe was chatting to the interns.

"Give Nurse O'Malley a drink on me." Alex's comment drifted through the bar and she winced when she heard it, knowing it would create a stir.

Sure enough, it soon dissolved into a full blown fight, with Meredith holding Cristina back as Joe tried to break it up. She watched the whole scene with a wry smile, amazed at how easily all the medical staff would turn on each other. She supposed it was unreleased tension on the nurse's behalf; working day in and day out, wanting to say something but instead putting up with all the crap they were given.

The similarity to her and Derek's situation didn't evade her. In New York, she hadn't said anything until the point she jumped into bed with Mark. She only wondered what was going to happen here: how long before she snapped like the nurse's, before someone was holding her back as she lashed out. She just hoped she could hang on.

She watched Meredith drag Cristina out the bar, George scurrying after them. Her eyes caught Alex's across the bar, rolling her eyes at the smirk on his face. "You just love to piss people off, don't you?" She teased, making her way over to him.

"There is a reason you call me jackass after all." He chuckled.

She hummed in agreement, leaning against the bar and catching Joe's attention as he made his way back round. "I'll have a vodka martini and whatever this jackass is having."

"Satan." He countered halfheartedly as Joe laughed at him. "And I'll have a beer."

"Don't think I didn't see that you caused that." Joe commented.

"You'd expect nothing less from him though, would you?" Addison smirked at him, and he grumbled slightly as he accepted his beer.

"So…" He started, offering her the bar stool he was sat on. She took it gratefully while he leant against the bar next to her. "You look like crap."

She looked at him in disbelief. "I actually think I preferred the sexual harassment."

"You know what I mean, doc." He said sheepishly, dodging the hand she had reached out to hit him with. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He raised an eyebrow and she groaned, resting her head in her hands, her elbows resting on the bar top. "I'm just exhausted."

"Oh?"

She looked sideways at him through her fingers. "I have Meredith's dog."

"That thing is not a dog." He replied, sipping his beer. "It's a demon."

" _Exactly._ It barks all night. Every night." She downed the rest of her martini. "I need to sleep."

"Wait, why have you got the dog anyway? Thought they were putting up a flyer."

She sighed, waving at Joe for another drink. "Why do you need a flyer when you can just ask the guy who's in love with you to take it?" She said dryly.

"You are just a barrel of laughs tonight, doc." He teased.

"Sorry." She muttered, straightening herself up and plastering a smile on her face. She fluttered her eyelashes at him. "Forgive me?"

"Always." He replied instantly, and she was slightly taken aback by the sincerity of his voice. "I've decided we wouldn't be friends if you were an intern when we met."

"Oh? Why?"

He smirked at her, poking her shoulder lightly. "You are grumpy when you're tired, doc."

She huffed in annoyance. "You need to stop calling me that."

"Told you I wasn't ever going to stop."

"But now my _dog_ is called Doc."

He stared at her for a second, before bursting out laughing, almost doubled over as tears rolled down his cheeks. "Dude, you have the same name as your dog."

"You do know my name isn't actually 'doc', right?" He didn't respond, only laughing harder as she shook her head at him in despair. "And don't call me 'dude' either."

"You're touchy." He managed to get out between laughs. "I guess I should stick to Satan."

She pulled a face at him, feeling a bit sheepish. "I'm not being good company, am I?"

He slung an arm around her shoulders. "Nah, you're always good company." He paused. "Doc."

She tried to wriggle out of his grip in annoyance but he didn't let her go, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. She relaxed slightly and he let go of her, taking the drinks that Joe had handed over without them having to ask. "Tell me about your day."

"I had a case of necrotising fasciitis."

"Really?!" She perked up at that, sipping her drink as she looked over at him in interest. "I haven't seen that before in person."

Addison listened intently to Alex chat about his case, sipping her martini and finally starting to feel her tiredness and short temper slipping away. She was barely recognising the person she was becoming these days: snippy, whiny and lonely. Sure, back in New York, she was sometimes a bitch; she had a reputation as a no nonsense surgeon. She was glad she had someone like Alex, someone who she could be herself with, who she could laugh and joke and _try_ to be normal.

Someone who, when she was talking to them, she managed to forget her life was falling apart.

* * *

Addison made her way into Joe's the next night with the echoes of her conversation with Derek floating around her head. He hadn't been pleased that she was going out two nights running, the 'with Alex' being implied. It didn't seem to matter that even if she had gone home the night before he wouldn't have seen her as he spent all night at the hospital. Or the fact that he had a surgery booked that night until the early hours of the morning.

He had been fine earlier that day, in their surgery together and she wasn't sure what had prompted his change in mood. Whatever it was had led to an argument which ended in her (in what, she had to admit, wasn't her _finest_ moment) storming out of the locker room, loudly proclaiming that she was an adult and could do what she wanted. Yes, that was going to go down like a lead balloon the next day.

She tried to push the thought of that out of her mind; Alex was sure to disown her as a friend if she turned up acting like a miserable bitch 2 days running. Besides, the interns had made a special effort to invite her especially for the quiz and she was going to make sure she acted deserving of the invitation.

She scanned the seats around the bar, starting to head over to a booth in the corner when she spotted some familiar faces, frowning when she saw only Alex and Meredith there.

"Am I, um, early?" She asked as she sat on the bench next to Alex, tucking her hair behind her ear tentatively.

"No, doc. It's just us three tonight." He replied, pushing a gin and tonic her way which she accepted gratefully.

"Where's the others?"

"They got stuck on call." Meredith glanced between them nervously. "I can go, if you want. If it's too weird I mean."

Addison's whole insides were screaming 'yes, leave, I can't spend a whole evening this close in your company' but she paused, looking at Meredith's face tentatively. It was clear that the girl had been having a hard day, her eyes slightly puffy from crying. "It's fine Meredith."

"Okay."

"Okay." She echoed awkwardly.

Alex glanced between the two of them pointedly. "Are you both going to be this weird all evening? Cause otherwise I'm going to leave."

"Jackass." Addison chastised at the same time Meredith obviously kicked him under the table. They met each other's eyes as he let out a grunt of pain, sharing a genuine smile. Maybe it wasn't going to be so bad after all.

Alex rested his arm on the back of the booth behind her, turning to look at her with a smirk on his face. "I'm not letting you near the tequila this week, doc. I do not have the energy to carry you to an on call room again."

She let out a sarcastic laugh at that. "You did not carry me." She protested weakly. "And I'm not going near tequila again for a while. Besides, I'm the tired one remember, Karev?"

"Yeah, whatever." He countered, receiving a hit on the back of his head.

"Have you had a busy week at work then, Dr Shepherd?" Meredith glanced at her warily, correcting herself hastily. "Addison."

"Not exactly. Though the Nurse's strike was a bitch."

"Dude, she has your dog." Meredith turned to Alex, puzzled. "You didn't tell her the Hell-beast barks through the night."

She winced, apologetically. "I...didn't mention that?"

"No." Addison replied flatly. "You did not."

"Sorry." She exchanged a nervous glance with Alex. "He chew anything yet?"

"Only my favourite pair of Jimmy Choo's." She played with the straw in her drink. "But then he peed on Derek's favourite coat so I think I got the better deal."

Alex snorted slightly at that and she elbowed him at his muttered comment on how her husband deserved it, not hiding his dislike of him.

"Sorry." Meredith repeated. "I can...find someone else to have him?"

She softened her expression slightly at Meredith's worried one. "It's fine. He's a pain in the ass but he's good company." She shot a sideways look at Alex. "I just realised that is also how I describe you to people, Karev."

Both her and Meredith dissolved into a fit of giggles at the fake affronted look on his face. "Satan's whore."

"That's me." She replied, not missing a beat. She stole one more look at Meredith before resting a hand on Alex's arm, fluttering her eyelashes slightly at him. "Could you go and buy Meredith and I another drink?"

"It's your round." He frowned looking between the pair of them. "And I'm not sure I should leave you two alone together."

She didn't bother hiding her eye roll. "I'll give you the cash, Karev. And we'll be fine, right?"

"Right." Meredith echoed disbelievingly.

"Fine, doc." He sighed as he moved out of the booth as Addison climbed out of his way. He pushed away the $20 bill she held out to him. "I'm not taking your money. Not very gentleman like."

She frowned after him. "Since when have you been a gentleman?" He flipped her off, a smirk on his face as she laughed at him, turning her attention back to Meredith.

"Should I be concerned that you wanted to get me alone?" The other girl asked tentatively.

"Oh, yes. I wanted to get you by yourself to ask if you reconsidered that threesome I proposed." She got an alarmed look in response and she smiled. "It was a joke."

"Right." Meredith replied slowly.

"Clearly not a very good joke." She muttered under her breath, before taking a sip of her drink. "Look, I'm probably the last person in the world you want to talk to about…well, _anything,_ but, are you okay?"

Meredith gave her a tight smile. "I'm fine."

"Really?" She asked disbelievingly. "Look, you can talk to me now or you can wait for Karev to come back and talk to me and the insensitive jackass."

Meredith sighed, a smile pulling at the corner of her mouth. "I, um, I had to kill a woman today. Take out her intubation tube in front of all her family and friends. She was DNR but I didn't see her chart…all the charts were messed up because of the strike."

Addison moved her hand to cover Meredith's, squeezing it lightly. "It was your first time." She nodded. "It never gets any easier, being that close to death… but you did the right thing. As empty as it sounds, it was what she wanted."

She saw a few tears make her way down Meredith's face and part of her wished she'd not started this conversation at all. Instead she stood from the booth and moved round to Meredith's side, sitting next to her and wrapping her arm around her. The younger woman froze, before resting her head on Addison's shoulder, wiping at the tears on her cheeks.

"It's silly really… this bothering me so much." Addison opened her mouth to protest, but Meredith continued. "It just, it made me think about my mother. This woman had all these people there for her, my Mom… she just has me. I don't want her to be alone."

Addison didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around the girl fully, until she seemed to have calmed slightly. Alex returned with their drinks and eyed the two of them warily. "You okay?" They both shrugged. "I brought you a tequila shot, Mer."

Addison smiled at that as she retook her seat next to Alex. It was nice, that he looked after his friends in his own way and she wrapped her arm around his waist, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Look, guys. I'm not feeling too great." Meredith said, after downing her shot. "I'm just going to head home, but you two have fun. And thanks for the drink, Alex."

She left and the pair of them sat in silence for a moment, sipping on their drinks. Addison tipped her head back to look at him and he frowned down at her. "What?"

"You're a good guy, Karev."

He shrugged it off, like she noticed he did whenever she said something nice to him. The guy could not take a compliment. "You drunk, doc?"

She laughed softly at him, sitting up and drinking the rest of her drink. "I might not stick around for the quiz either, if that's okay? I really am exhausted."

His expression softened. "That's fine, doc. I can drop you home, if you want?"

"You don't have to." She argued. "Don't leave because of me."

"Nah, it's fine. I know you're get tired easily in your old age." He chuckled as she hit his arm sharply, a mock glare on her face. "It's on my way home anyway."

She raised an eyebrow skeptically. "A trailer in the middle of the freaking woods is on your way home?"

He shrugged. "No. But that's what friends are for, right?"

"Right." She smiled gratefully at him, allowing him to lead her to his car.

They drove with a steady flow of conversation; Addison telling him stories about her life in New York in between giving him directions. They pulled up outside the trailer, and she frowned as she saw the light on, Derek clearly having arrived home earlier than planned. She wished she had stayed longer at Joe's, not willing to have to deal with the aftermath of her argument with him yet.

She was vaguely aware of Alex talking to her, and she shook her head slightly to clear it. "Sorry, what were you saying?"

He shot her a weird look. "Do you miss it? New York?"

"All the time." She admitted wistfully.

"You're a good person too then, doc." He shrugged awkwardly. "For giving it up."

She smiled at the sentiment, not pointing out that her actions were the reason her husband came running to this place in the first place. Instead, she kissed his cheek softly. "Thanks for the lift, Karev. I'll see you tomorrow."

She climbed out of the car and made her way into the trailer, with a final wave over her shoulder at Alex as he pulled away. She closed the door softly, stroking Doc as he greeted her enthusiastically. "Hey." She offered Derek weakly.

"You're not drunk tonight." He pointed out flatly.

"No." She sighed, perching on the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry…for earlier. I was tired and took it out on you."

He remained silent and she glanced at him nervously. "I'm sorry for earlier too."

"So, we're okay?" She ventured tentatively and he nodded sharply.

She rose and set about getting ready for bed, before climbing under the covers next to him. Derek wrapped his arms around her as she shifted closer and they both lie there rigidly, silence filling the trailer. Yeah, she didn't think they were okay.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you for all your great reviews-they really do make my day! Not sure how I feel about this one...not as good as I wanted it to be considering it covers the bomb episodes. Let me know what you like/don't like or anything you want to see going forward. I will pretty much be following cannon at least until post prom. Thanks to everyone reading x**

* * *

 _Chapter 3_

* * *

Addison smiled as she saw the page that O'Malley had sent her: Miranda was having her baby. She was so pleased for the woman and, having seen her with her interns, she had no doubt in her mind what an amazing mother she was going to make.

She had always wanted a baby herself, just had never found the right time with Derek. Both of them chose their careers over having a family, always insisting there was more time. Only she now wondered if there was any more time or whether her and Derek would never again reach a point where she felt they were stable enough to bring a child in.

She tried to push the thoughts to the side as she examined Bailey, instead smiling broadly and talking reassuringly to her. It was Miranda's day and she didn't want to ruin it with her own negative thoughts, whether they were spoken or not. She pulled her gloves off as she finished her exam, leaving the room with a squeeze to Miranda's shoulder and a promise to return soon.

She raised her eyebrow as she stepped out the room, walking straight into Richard, Derek and George. "Well…Hmm the gathering of men outside the delivery room. How mid-century of you." She teased easily, moving to Derek who gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Say hi to Bailey for me." He smiled at her and she felt guilty for her earlier musings as he walked off. Things had been better between them recently, ever since their uneasy truce after her nights out with Alex. Though, she still felt like she was almost tempting fate saying that they were _finally_ moving forward.

She walked to the nursing station, replacing the chart when she saw George and Richard approach her, eager looks on their faces.

"How's she doing?" Richard asked after a moment's pause.

"Taking it like a woman." She internally rolled her eyes as the pair of them exchange proud smiles. "6 centimetres dilated. 50% effaced and refusing all pain meds which I think is stupid but I'm not in labour so…"

She trailed off with a wry smile and a shrug before heading off, leaving the Chief and O'Malley to their overenthusiastic loitering. She made her way through rounds, listening to the interns almost on autopilot, ready to get back to Miranda. They were in the room of the last patient when her pager went off and she excused herself with a frown.

She hurried off to find her husband, approaching him where he stood talking to Preston. "Hey." He greeted.

"Hey." She responded absently. "You've got Dr Bailey's husband on the table?"

"Bailey's husband is going into surgery?" Burke asked, looking between them in shock.

Derek nodded and she felt her heart sink; she had been unwilling to believe it up until this point. "Got into a car accident trying to get to the hospital before the birth."

" _Shit._ " She muttered, dragging a hand through her hair before straightening up. "What do we tell Bailey?"

"Nothing. Let's just wait until I get in there and see how bad the damage is. Have something concrete to tell her."

She let out a hard exhale, closing her eyes and briefly leaning into the hand Derek rested on her arm. "Yeah." She started, a wobble in her voice. Clearing her throat harshly, she shook her head as she tried to clear her thoughts. "No use upsetting her until we know. Okay, keep me posted." She went to leave, throwing a forced smile at Burke as she left. "Hey, Preston."

"Good seeing you Addison." He called after her.

She paused as she rounded the corner, tipping her head back against the wall as she took a deep breath, desperately trying to keep her emotions under check. Her own problems seemed almost trivial in comparison now. She was going to do her damn hardest to be strong for Miranda and, on the plus side, at least this day couldn't get anymore crappy.

* * *

Addison crouched on the floor next to Miranda, rubbing her back softly as she breathed through a contraction.

"Ok, ok, ok." Bailey let out a harsh breath and groan as it passes, leaning further into Addison's hand, as she fought an eye roll.

"8 minutes apart." O'Malley said as he entered, clutching a suitcase of Bailey's clothes.

Addison tried to keep her falsely positive smile on her face as she teased the other woman. "There's no shame in an epidural, Miranda."

"Epidural increases the possibility of a C-section." She recites automatically.

She didn't bother hiding her eye roll this time, resuming the circles she was rubbing on the younger woman's back as George moved to place the suitcase on the bed. "It also decreases pain." She let out a sympathetic sigh. "Miranda, this is a big baby. It's your first baby and I'm telling you it is not going to be a short or an easy labour."

"Mmm, I can handle a little pain. No problem." Addison helped pull Miranda up and settled next to her on the couch, not expecting anything less from the unbelievably stubborn woman.

"Woman all over the world do this at home." Addison hummed in agreement, tuning out slightly as she anticipated the rant she was going to get. "With nothing more than a pair of scissors and a bucket of hot water."

"Well women all over the world also die giving birth at home every single day."

Addison snapped back into focus at George's words, giving him an incredulous look over the top of Miranda's head. She had not worked with him often but she hoped to God that he was better at reassuring patients normally, otherwise she was definitely going to have words when she next worked with him.

"I did not just say that." He looked mortified and rightly so, as she shook her head in despair.

"You're supposed to be making yourself useful and finding my husband." Bailey snapped and Addison smiled briefly at the characteristic anger from her, before feeling her stomach sink as she registered her words.

Confusion crossed George's face. "What? I…"

Addison hastened to interrupt, stammering nervously. "He's, ah, not here."

She felt Miranda's gaze move and fix on her disbelievingly as George shrugged. "Oh, no, he should be here by now!"

"Okay!" She winced internally at how sharply it came out and urged herself to calm down. "Okay, we're…we're going to go find him. Right, Dr O'Malley?"

"Right." He echoed, not sounding anymore convincing than she did.

She felt relief as she was saved from the upcoming interrogation she was sure was coming from Bailey by the sound of her pager going off. The relief was short-lived, however, as she checked the screen and felt her stomach drop to her feet.

"What?" Miranda's voice cut through her haze and she tried to swallow down some of her internal panic, plastering an obviously fake smile on her face.

"Oh, nothing. I'll…I'll be right back."

She hurried out the room before Bailey could respond, heading for the nearest elevator desperate to find Richard and demand answers. She could curse herself for thinking that today couldn't get any worse and she felt the panic rising up in her. She was desperately hoping that this wasn't real, that this was just a really ill-timed drill. Because things like this didn't happen in real life, didn't happen to _her._ Then again, this was Seattle and, as she had repeatedly thought to herself, Seattle was cursed.

The doors to the elevator opened and O'Malley stepped on, moving immediately over to her. "I don't like having to lie to Dr Bailey."

Addison wanted to scream at him, tell him to stop talking and that was actually the smallest of their problems now. Instead, she took a deep breath and replied as evenly as she could. "Now's not the time, Dr O'Malley."

"She'd want to know about her husband." He continued stubbornly, pausing as his pager went off. "Code Black? What's a 'Code Black'?"

She had no idea how to respond to that, glad of the distraction of Izzie running towards the elevator to give her more time to formulate an answer.

"Dr. Shepherd. The other Dr. Shepherd wanted me to let you know that Tucker's bleed is more extensive than he originally thought. It's gonna be a few more hours before he has anything concrete to tell Dr. Bailey." Izzie recited as she spotted her.

Addison let out a heavy sigh, thinking how fucking _typical_ that was. "Thanks, Stevens."

George grabbed Izzie's arm as she stopped talking. "What's a 'Code Black'?"

"A what?" They huddled around their pagers, frowning when Izzie's went off too.

"'Code Black'? Code Red, Code Blue, Code White. I've never had a 'Code Black' before." Izzie paused and Addison bit her lip as she realised the interns' attention was back on her. "Dr Shepherd?"

"Just…just go back to your locker room and wait for your resident to give you instructions." She finally responded, dragging her hand through her hair in an attempt to calm her nerves.

"We don't have a resident." The panic was invading Steven's voice now.

"What's going on?"

"Is it something bad?"

The interns were talking over each other as they fired questions at Addison, their voices rising with each one that went unanswered. The doors opened and any hope Addison was clinging onto that this was a drill was firmly out the window as she saw the floor filled with chaos. "Yeah." She breathed out. "It's something bad."

She hurried off to where the attending and residents were gathered, listening to Richard talk, barely aware of Izzie and George trailing after her. The words of Richard's speech floated over, barely penetrating the thoughts she had going through her head. So the Code Black was real: what about Miranda's husband, _her_ husband, Alex? What about everyone and every thing she had fought through to create a life for herself in Seattle? What if it all falls apart?

It dawned on her that the Chief had finished talking and she chased after him. "Richard, it's a Code Black? Really?"

"Yes, I've shut down the ORs." She tried to ignore the fact the stress of the situation made Richard look 10 years older than he was. She wondered how many more situations like this he had left in him.

"To trauma?"

He replied gravely. "To everything."

"Wait a minute…to everything, everything?"

The Chief stopped walking, turning to her and she almost ran into the back of him. "As of ten minutes ago all the operating rooms at Seattle Grace were completely evacuated with the exception of Dr Burke's team."

"And Dr Shepherd's team."

Addison felt her heart lurch nervously in her chest and she strived to keep her breathing under control. Izzie must be wrong, must be mistaken. Her husband could not be in a room next to a bomb, that sort of thing did not happen to normal people like them.

"What?" Richard spun around and approached Stevens. "What do you mean Dr Shepherd's team?"

"They are still in OR 2." She said tentatively.

Addison reached out and gripped the nearby nurse's station, swallowing the lump forming in her throat, the chaos of the floor barely entering her consciousness. Apparently this was exactly the sort of thing that happened to them.

* * *

Addison leant against the doorway to the doctor's lounge, watching Alex making a cup of coffee. Her heart rate was yet to return to normal and she was trying to regain some semblance of control over herself before she headed off to check back on Miranda.

"Hey." She muttered, smiling apologetically as he jumped slightly. She didn't blame him for his nerves being on edge slightly; hers certainly were. "Hear you saved the day."

"I just spoke to the patient's wife, doc." He shrugged, holding out the coffee he had made to her which she accepted gratefully.

"Still." She gave a small smile, as much as she could muster up given the circumstances. "You did good, Karev."

He tilted his head to the side, gaze travelling over her as she shifted uncomfortably under his scrutiny. He frowned, pausing the coffee he was making to turn his full attention to her. "Are you okay?"

"Fine." She lied automatically, not even thinking before she answered.

He scoffed disbelievingly. "You're-"

"Full of crap, I know." She interrupted, causing him to let out a chuckle. The smile dropped off her face and she took a sip of coffee, wincing as it scolded her mouth. "I don't think I'm okay." She admitted quietly.

"Anything I can do?"

She blew gently on her coffee as she studied his expression, softening at the genuine desire to help she saw there. "I…um." She avoided his gaze, looking down at the contents of her mug as a distraction. "Remember when I said that I'm the type of person who hugs?" She asked tentatively.

She looked up as she felt him prise the coffee cup from her hands, watching him place it on the table. She raised an eyebrow questioningly and he sighed, holding his arms open slightly to her. "Come here then."

She studied him for a beat more before almost throwing herself into his embrace. He tightened his arms around her, hushing her gently as she pressed her face against his shoulder, fighting the tears that were trying to make their way to the surface. A part of her knew that if she let them out now, she'd never be able to stop and then she'd be no use to anyone.

"It'll be okay, doc." He murmured into her hair.

She let out a strangled noise of disbelief. "You can't know that."

"No, I can't." He admitted. "It's what you say though."

"Yeah." She agreed half-heartedly. "Promise me you'll stay away from the bomb. Unlike my ass of a husband."

He snorted at that, before pressing a kiss to her head. "I promise, doc. Based of your choice of words, I'm guessing I don't need to worry about you going near it?"

"Not so much." She agreed easily.

"Alex." They broke apart as they heard Izzie's voice fill the room. She looked between them uncomfortably. "Am I interrupting something?"

"I was just leaving, Stevens." Addison said, straightening her scrub top. "I need to go check on Dr Bailey."

She started to make her way out the room before turning and glancing back at where Alex had resumed making his cup of coffee. "Hey Karev?" He hummed in acknowledgement, glancing back at her. "Thanks. For the coffee."

"No worries, doc." He gave her a small smile. "Hope your husband's okay."

She nodded slightly. "Hope your friends are okay."

With his returning nod, she left the room and Izzie's curious gaze to go back to Miranda's room. She wasn't sure she felt any better from the interaction but there was definitely something to say about knowing you were not alone. She was dreading the difficult conversation she was about to have with Bailey; she was having a hard enough time dealing with it and her husband was not having brain surgery and she was not in labour. Yeah, it was not going to be fun.

* * *

Addison was right; that was potentially the hardest conversation she'd ever had. She felt broken when thinking about Miranda's reaction, her refusal to push and her adamance that she was going home. She had pulled every trick she knew out of her sleeve, tried every tactic she usually did on nervous moms.

The only problem was that this was a little more than pre-birth jitters. This was _huge_ and unimaginable. And she was hardly in the right state of mind to be encouraging and calming either. She was barely keeping it together, barely keeping a hold on all the strands of her emotions to stop herself falling apart; she didn't have the energy required to stop Miranda falling apart as well.

She stood in front of Richard, half listening to him as he spun into full blown panic at her update on the situation. She didn't have the energy to stop him from falling apart either.

"Calm down." She sighed as they paused at the nurse's station.

"Calm down?" He spat out, upset. "I have an evacuated O.R. A bomb in a body cavy. A missing paramedic! An intern with her hand on the explosive! Two world class surgeons in harm's way!" Addison ran a hand through her hair in exasperation as she saw O'Malley approach as well. "A man on a table who may bleed out at any moment unless we move the bomb from his chest! And my favourite resident in labor who you're now telling me refuses to push! Really, calm down? You really want to say to me calm down?"

"Okay, don't calm down!" She countered, throwing her hands up in exasperation.

"Dr Bailey is scared, sir." George interrupted. "It's a day to be scared."

Addison felt the truth of his statement as she sighed, trying to continue as calmly as possible. "She won't let me examine her but from what I can tell her contractions are 40 seconds apart and she's refusing to push. The baby could go into distress and if she doesn't come out of this and soon, then I'm going to need an OR to do an emergency c-section."

Richard stopped just short of an eye-roll at her comment and she could feel her frustration rising. "I can't give you an OR Addie! I don't have an OR to give. Can't you convince her to push?"

She felt any semblance of calm fly completely out of the window, her voice rising alarmingly. "She's not Bailey right now! She's a woman in labour whose husband is in a surgery next to a bomb."

"So is yours."

She glared at him, letting out a harsh breath. "This is about Bailey. I need an OR."

"I don't know what to tell you." The Chief said and she could see he was already moving on.

Addison tried to internalise her scream of frustration. "Look Richard, we have about an hour to change Bailey's mind and then I'm going to need you to get me an OR. Build me an OR. Find me a helicopter to fly me to any OR in the city. Otherwise, instead of having a baby, she'll be losing one."

She spun on her heel and stormed off, with no real destination in mind. She was so done with this day.

* * *

Addison found herself on the same empty gurney in the abandoned corridor that she was sat on the other week. Only the last time she was worried about her husband being in love with someone else, now she was worried about him staying alive. She wished she could go back. She tipped her head back against the wall, hugging her knees to her chest.

"Dr Montgomery-Shepherd." She groaned internally as she heard O'Malley's voice. She just needed a moment to herself and she felt like everywhere she turned he was there. "What are we gonna do? I mean about Dr Bailey. Can…can we drug her?"

She turned her head to stare at him disbelief. "Against her will?"

"No. Well…yes." He at least looked ashamed against at his comment, but he continued regardless. "Can't we force to her to push? If we, ah, declare her temporarily insane."

Addison let out a noise of frustration, dragging her hand through her hair. "You want me to declare Miranda Bailey, _Miranda Bailey_ incompetent _?_ Do you think that will help? Do you think that will make her more inclined…more _comfortable_ giving birth?"

He shifted uncomfortably. "I don't know that's why…"

She interrupted, not finished with her rant, glad to finally get some feelings off her chest. "Do you think I'm to doing everything I can do to help her? I mean, do you think I'm just out here because, I don't know, feel a little lazy, just need a little me time?!"

"I'm just asking." He mumbled.

"Stop asking!" She was yelling at this point, and a small part of her felt bad for unloading on George, the alarmed look on his face almost comical to look at. "Because no matter what you ask the answer is I don't know. I'm doing everything thing I can! Everything I can! Miranda Bailey's husband is in mortal danger. Actual _mortal danger_! And there's not a lot I can say to comfort her right now because there's not a lot that anybody can say to comfort me! I'm doing my best! Dr. Bailey is doing her best! And I need you to do your best! And I need it to better than standing here asking me the world's most stupidest question! I don't know O'Malley!"

He nodded slightly and hastily retreated and she let out a little scream, tipping her head back against the wall hard, ignoring the dull ache which spread through her skull. She didn't feel better for her outburst like she thought she would; she felt worse. So much worse.

She shakily brought her hands up to her eyes, pressing them against the flow of tears that were beginning to fall hot and heavy. She had no idea how long she sat there, shoulders shaking as she sobbed noisily into her hands; it felt like hours but she knew it must only be minutes. She was exhausted; it seemed unbelievable that she had only been at work for 6 hours. Every bone in her body ached and there was a lingering headache throbbing at the front of her skull.

She jumped as she felt a hand fall on her shoulder, looking up to see Alex stood there. "What?" She asked wearily.

"I bumped into O'Malley. He seemed worried about you." Alex shrugged as he climbed onto the gurney next to her, moving so his arm was pressed against hers. "Actually, he seemed terrified of you."

She let out a derisive snort. "Oh, I bet he told everyone about the attending who lost the plot. What a good story: the poor grieving surgeon who is too busy crying over a husband who isn't in love with her and yelling at interns to actually do her job."

He tensed next to her as she angrily spat the words out. "Stop that."

"What?" She yelled, moving to put some space between them. She was aware she was being unreasonable, taking her anger out on the nearest person again, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

"This whole angry pity party thing you have going on." His voice was cutting, and she remembered how he wasn't the type of person who would sit there and take someone yelling at him. That was part of the reason she was lashing out at him; she wanted someone to fight back. "It's not like you."

"You don't know me." She brushed the hand away that he reached out towards her. "There's a reason you call me Satan after all."

"What are you saying? Maybe I was right to start with? Maybe you really are Satan's Whore and I made a huge mistake being friends with you?" He finally snapped and she winced at the harsh words. He let out a heavy sigh and rubbed his hand over his face. "O'Malley told me because he said you looked like you needed a friend. And here I am. Now, we don't have to sit here and talk about our feelings or whatever but you do have to know I'm here, alright?"

She nodded slightly, feeling her anger fade away and begin to make away for more tears. She felt foolish now; stupid for yelling at the one person she had in Seattle other than Derek. She shifted back next to him, hesitating before resting her head on his shoulder as a peace offering. "Alright." She whispered.

He moved his arm and slung it around her shoulders holding her tightly to his side. "It's okay not to be okay, doc."

"I feel selfish." She admitted quietly. "All I've done over the last few weeks is resent him for not giving me enough _attention._ " She scoffed slightly. "Now he could die."

"You're not selfish. You're human."

She let out a watery chuckle. "How philosophical." He let out a small laugh at her comments. "What will I do if he dies?"

" _If_ he dies, then it will suck. But you are strong and you'll get through it. I promise." He pulled back and wiped the tears off her cheeks. "No one is dying right now though."

"Okay." She breathed out shakily, steadying her nerves. "What do I do right now?"

"You get up and you kick ass." He grinned at her at that and she did her best to return it. "The situation could use a little Satan."

He stood and held his hand out to her pulling her to her feet. "I must look a state."

"Nah, just as hot as usual." He winked and she rolled her eyes at him, pleased they were back on familiar ground.

"Definitely unwanted workplace attention, Karev."

"Oh please, you love it." He pulled her in for another brief hug. "Go and kick ass."

She went to leave before turning back, squeezing his hand gently. "Have you heard anything about Meredith?" He shook his head. "You must be worried."

"Yeah." He admitted quietly. "Now go on. And…if you need another kick up the ass, you know where to find me. Satan."

She chuckled at him, a small but genuine smile on her face. "Noted, Karev."

* * *

Addison realised that someone telling you to toughen up and kick ass was all well and good but trying to actually implement it was a Hell of a lot harder. She tried to push her personal problems aside, knowing that people were counting on her, _Miranda_ was counting on her. She was desperately trying to get the poor woman to move.

"Okay, Dr Bailey. Let's go." She tried to sit her up but Miranda just continued to push her sobbing. "Dr Bailey, I need you to turn on your back. I need you to push."

"Leave me alone." The younger woman choked out and Addison ran her hand through her hair in frustration, fingers catching painfully on the tangles.

"Miranda." Her voice was desperately close to pleading as she turned to a nearby nurse. "I can't let her go any longer. I'm going to go tell Richard that he has to get us an OR, okay?"

She headed to the door, waving at George to move out the way. She froze when she heard him start to talk. "Dr Bailey, I'm surprised at you. I really thought...this is not how I thought you would do this."

She frowned at his tactics, opening her mouth to protest. She honestly couldn't see the route he was going helping anyone. "Dr O'Malley, I don't think that…"

He interrupted and continued regardless and if it was any other day she would be yelling at him by now for insubordination. But it wasn't any other day and she was desperate. "You're Dr. Bailey." She let out a little whimper as her eyes met his. "You don't hide from a fight. You don't give up. You strive for greatness. You Dr. Bailey, you are a doer. And...I know your husband is not here and I know that there are a lot of things going on here that we have no control over. But this…" He moved his hand to lift her chin gently. "This ... we can do. Ok?" Bailey half nods, crying. "Ok."

Addison moved to get everything ready as George helped Bailey to sit up. Honestly at that moment in time, she could kiss the boy, marriage vows be damned. As soon as the thought entered her head she screwed up her face slightly, finding the image vaguely disturbing. If she told Alex that, he'd be laughing his ass off at her.

Maybe she'd tell him after she delivered the baby. God knows, they could use a laugh after the day they'd had.

* * *

Addison headed out of the room she was in with Bailey, pleased to have delivered her a healthy baby boy. Something good to come out of this mess of a day. He was so beautiful, and she almost wanted to cry when she saw him. He was so innocent and untarnished by all the problems the world had yet to throw at him. She wasn't sure if she was more jealous of Miranda for getting to take him home or the baby for being so _new._

Her pager went and when she checked the message, she felt her heart leap up in her chest. He was _safe._ Her husband was going to be okay. She ran off in the direction of the lobby, seeing the crowd gathered there. Her eyes scanned the people around, before they landed on Derek and her breath caught in her throat.

He looked fine: worried, exhausted but in one piece. She saw him looking frantically around, and her eyes caught Richard's, seeing him say something to Derek. She saw the marginal relief in his shoulders before he turned round and her heart warmed. He was looking for her.

She hurried towards him and threw her arms round his neck, holding him close. "Derek. You're okay." She let out a harsh breath, tightening her arms. "Oh, you're okay."

It took her a moment to realise that he wasn't hugging her back. He was just stood, tense, alert and still as her arms were tight around him. It dawned on her then: it wasn't her he was looking for.

He was looking for Meredith, he almost died and the only person he wanted to see was Meredith. Addison swallowed the sob she felt rising up. It was okay, she decided. He was alive, he was still here. So what if in the heat of a moment he was thinking of another woman, he was still breathing so he _could_ think about another woman. It seemed trivial to think otherwise.

So she let him go with a watery smile, allowing him to head off somewhere with some flimsy excuse, no doubt going to find Meredith. And, when Alex laid a hand tentatively on her shoulder, she turned from where she was frozen in the spot and curled into him, clinging onto his scrub top as she cried. She ignored the worried glances from Richard and Adele she saw over Alex's shoulder, as well as the alarmed looks from the rest of the occupants on the floor.

"Come on, doc. Let's get out of here." Alex muttered into her ear and she nodded slightly, allowing him to lead her out the room.

He guided her down onto a seat, frowning as he shifted uncomfortably. "It's over, you know that?"

"Yeah." She breathed through her tears. "I don't want to go home yet. I'm not ready to be alone."

"Shepherd..?" He started before noticing the look on her face. "Right. Well, how about we grab a late dinner?" He checked his watch. "Or early breakfast?"

Addison reached up and wiped the tears from her face, giving him a weak smile. "I could do with some waffles."

He winked at her. "Well, you're the boss."

"Damn straight." She countered, trying but falling short of her usual confidence.

Tomorrow, she decided, tomorrow she would deal with Derek and the stress of the day. Today...today she was just going to get waffles.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you for all your lovely reviews on the last chapter and I'm sorry it took so long to post this one! My life has just been crazy (I went on holiday and my mum ended up breaking her ankle so I've not had much free time) but I'm back now! Well, kind of... I go on holiday for 2 weeks on Friday so no new updates until I'm back unfortunately.**

 **Anyway, I do genuinely try to take on board what you guys say in your reviews so this one covers 2x18 and 2x19 and is longer and containing more Alex/Addie interaction! Let me know what you think and anything else you'd like to see/like/don't like and I'll do my best to please! x**

* * *

 _Chapter 4_

* * *

Addison always found it amazing how quickly after a crisis that everything went back to normal. One day, the world could feel like it was ending. Bombs could go off, OR floors could be ruined, lives could be at risk. Then the next thing you knew the buildings were fixed, injuries healed and people returned to work. It just became a distant memory.

She stared down at the coffee she was making for a while, deliberating before adding two more sugars than she usually would, carefully stirring them in. It may seem distant during the day but it didn't mean that it wasn't still keeping her up at night. She picked up her cup and moved to the couch, glad that the doctor's lounge was empty for once. She kicked her heels off, tucking her feet under her and wrapped her hands around the mug, feeling the warmth begin to soak into her body.

The thing that amazed her the most was how quickly the clarity and perspective you find after an event like that can disappear. The feeling when all of your problems seem insignificant and the resolve to do better, _be_ better and make the most of what you had. It all had seemed clear to her on that day, in the moments after and she'd give everything to go back to that.

Instead, she tried to drink her coffee and force her mind to be blank. She wanted 10 minutes to herself: no husband, no Meredith, no potentially failing marriage. She struggled to find that in the trailer; whether Derek was there or not. It was full of reminders: the dog for one, not to mention the fact it was in the damn _woods_. That in itself was a far cry from her life in New York.

A knock on the open door caused her to jump, cursing lightly as she spilled some of the coffee on her hand and over her skirt.

"Sorry, doc." Alex said as he moved through the open doorway, grabbing some tissues from the side as he sat next to her on the couch. "Here."

She set her coffee down on the table in front of her, accepting the tissues he handed her and blotting up the liquid on her skirt. "What do you want?"

He slung his arm over the back of the couch, resting his hand on her shoulder. "You know you really do live up to your rep as Satan sometimes. I wonder why we're friends."

She let out a sharp breath. "Sorry." She shifted so her head was on his shoulder. "Do you ever sometimes feel like you're just existing in your life? That everything is just happening and you're there but not really _living?_ "

He shot her an odd look. "That is very deep and depressing for 8am."

"Sorry." She repeated uselessly. "I've not been sleeping. You seen the new OR floor?"

"Yeah." He stifled a yawn. "It's all shiny and new, and yet exactly the same."

She let out a snort of laughter. "You not been sleeping either?"

"For, um, _different_ reasons than you, doc."

"Oh?" She questioned and he gave her a look. " _Oh._ " She screwed up her face and hit his arm. "I don't need to hear about your sex life. Jackass."

"You asked." He muttered under his breath, chuckling as she reached out to hit him again.

She sat forward to pick her coffee back up, wincing at the overly sweet taste. "So…who?"

"Thought you didn't want to know about my sex life, doc?" He smirked at her and she couldn't contain her eye roll.

"I'm not asking for the details. Just, you know, an overview. Of your exciting life." She waved her hand around widely.

"Aw, you getting old and bored, doc?"

She briefly contemplated upending the rest of her coffee on his head, settling on glaring at him instead. "I don't know why I bother with you, Karev."

He wrapped his arm tightly around her, pressing a kiss to her temple as she tried to wriggle out of his grip. "Come on, doc. You love me."

She shoved his chest lightly as he let her go. "If you keep making jokes about my age, I _will_ hurt you."

"I have to get to rounds." He said, ignoring her words and heading to the door.

She stood up, following him to the corridor."You didn't tell me who it was." She protested. "I will follow you until you tell me."

He smirked as he started moving away from her. "I'd like to see you keep up with me at your age." She took a step towards him angrily and his smile widened. "Especially as you're not wearing any shoes."

She looked down at her feet and cursed as she remembered kicking off her heels. She glanced back up to see him heading down the corridor, chuckling to himself. "Jackass!" She yelled after him, ignoring the alarmed looks some of the nurse's sent her.

A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth as she headed back into the doctor's lounge, slipping her heels back on and grabbing her lab coat. She had started the day in a rather crappy mood and she was glad Alex had come and found her to cheer her up. Even if he did it with an unconventional method of gently insulting her and winding her up. He was a pain in her ass but she enjoyed spending time with him more than anyone else in her life at the moment, her husband included.

She tried not to dwell to much on what that meant.

* * *

Addison headed down the corridor, chart in one hand and her (third) cup of coffee in her hand. She really needed to cut down on her caffeine intake, she'd been consuming far too much recently. Still, compared to a few months previous when she was drinking her fair share of martinis (and the rest) most nights, she supposed the coffee at least was a more healthy addiction to have. Plus, she really didn't fancy the caffeine withdrawals that would come from cutting back.

She looked up from her chart as she got to the double doors, pausing with the door half pushed open as her gaze fell on Meredith. From where she was standing the man she was talking to likes sort of familiar. She tried shaking her head slightly, telling herself it couldn't possibly be _him_. He was in New York, so very very far from her life here. And, really, thee could not be a worse possible time for him to show up.

The man turned slightly and her gaze fell on his face at the same time she felt her heart plummet. _Shit._ It was Mark.

Addison was just balancing the benefits of a hasty retreat in her head as she watched Mark shamelessly flirt with Meredith (which was just really fucking _typical_ of him) when she caught sight of Derek approaching in her peripheral vision. This was not going to be good.

She was just about ready to flee in the other direction, to hide in the NICU all day and avoid this whole mess, when she saw Derek's fist collide with the side of Mark's face, they latter hitting the floor. Meredith was gaping between the pair of them in confusion and Addison tightened the grip on the chart in her hand, making her way down to them reluctantly.

Her gaze met Meredith's as she reached them, the poor girl looking rather alarmed. "You can go. Run while you still can."

Derek and Mark both spun and glared at her as she offered the girl an out. Meredith smiled gratefully, mouthing a 'thank you' as she gathered her chart and went to run off. She was stopped, however, by a voice drawing all four of their attention.

"Oh no." Richard said, his voice alarmingly loud. "No one is going anywhere until someone explains what the _Hell_ is going on on my surgical floor?!"

They all shifted awkwardly under his gaze. God, she wished she had turned and got out of there while she had the chance.

* * *

Addison pulled the door of the supply closet shut, resting her head back against it with a sigh. She had volunteered to restock the intubation tubes despite it being something a nurse, or even an intern, would usually do. Beyond a few strange looks (which were fast becoming the norm of how people looked at her) there was no protests as they let her go.

She just needed a moment to herself. After the humiliation she had felt in Richard's office, not to mention the fact that Derek couldn't even _look_ at her, she just wanted time to regroup. She felt like her lives were colliding, and all the mess and feelings she had tried so desperately to leave behind her were brought back to the surface.

A shaky breath escaped her as a few tears began to fall. Why did Mark have to turn up now, of all times? When everything was so tense in her marriage. Not that it had been anything other than tense over the last year (if not longer).

The door to the supply closet flew open and she anxiously wiped at her tears, trying to make herself look presentable for whoever had found her.

"I was looking for you." She relaxed marginally as she heard Alex's familiar voice. "A nurse told me you went to get intubation tubes."

"We were running low." She murmured, avoiding his eye.

"She also told me that was over half hour ago."

"I couldn't find them." She lied without thinking, looking up and meeting his gaze.

He raised his eyebrow at her, holding up a tube from the shelf right in front of her. "Yeah, they're really well hidden, doc."

She let out a sigh. "What do you want, Karev?"

His expression softened, and she felt guilty for snapping at him. "I was going to get a cup of coffee. Fancy joining me?"

"I'm thinking about cutting down."

He just smirked, throwing an arm around her shoulders. "Yeah, I don't think today is the day you want caffeine withdrawal, doc."

She rolled her eyes at him, allowing him to lead her out to the nearest coffee cart, accepting the vanilla latte he ordered for her. Alex moved to an empty gurney and she hopped up next to him, sipping her coffee in silence.

"So, I met your dirty mistress…"

"Jackass." She mumbled into her cup.

"I would call you Satan's Whore but I feel it might be a bit too close to home today."

She looked up and met his eye. "Doesn't normally stop you." She deadpanned.

A smirk broke across his face. "True. You never told me the guy was Mark Sloan. He's, like, the best plastic surgeon on the East Coast."

She felt a smile pull at the corner of her mouth. "Aw. Do you have a crush, Karev?"

"Shut up." He muttered, a scowl forming on his face as she couldn't hold back a giggle. "Want to talk about it?"

"No." She replied honestly, pausing only briefly to sip her drink. "Do you know what's funny? When Derek walked on Mark and I literally naked, _having sex,_ he just walked away. Mark only had to talk to Meredith and Derek punched the guy."

"Maybe it was residual anger. He didn't get a chance to express it last time because he was in shock or something. Maybe it has nothing to do with Mer."

She looked at him in disbelief. "You really believe that?"

He wrapped his arm round her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I don't know what to believe, doc."

She briefly leant against him, before groaning as her pager went off. "I'm needed in the pit."

"You going to be okay?" For all his teasing and grumbling, he did sound genuinely concerned and it made her heart warm.

"I'll be fine, Karev. Always am." She gave him a sad smile. "Takes more than this to break me."

"That's why you're Satan. All powerful and fiery as hell." He teased affectionately.

She gave him a flirty wink, as she stood to walk off. "Thanks for the coffee. Jackass."

"Catch you later. Satan's Whore."

* * *

Addison fight to keep the blush off her face. She saw a lot in her job, not much usually phasing her but spontaneous orgasms? Even she was struggling to maintain her professional facade. She supposed she was finding the timing particularly ironic: trust a case like this to come in on the same day Mark turned up.

She looked away from the patient as she started to have another 'episode', averting her gaze to try and give the poor girl some semblance of privacy. As she turned away she caught sight of Yang, O'Malley and Alex staring over in amusement and quickly grabbed the curtain, drawing it shut.

"Doctors." She said pointedly, resting a hand on her hip as she raised an eyebrow at them. "is there something you need?"

"No. No." O'Malley almost stammered over his words in his haste to get them out. She noticed he had been skittish around her since she yelled at him during the bomb incident. She just couldn't bring herself to care enough to fix it.

Alex just shook his head, the smirk not leaving his face.

"No." Yang answered when she turned her gaze in her direction.

"Well, in that case…" She gave them a tight smile (her 'bitch' smile as Mark always used to call it in New York). "Move on."

They turned round and started heading off, Alex catching her eye. "Spontaneous orgasms?" He mouthed.

She shook her head at him, trying to look disapproving even though there was a smile in her eye. "I hate you." She mouthed back, hearing his chuckle as he turned his back to her.

"I don't get what McDreamy and McSteamy see in her." She tried to ignore the sting she felt as Cristina's words carried over to her. She thought there were sort of getting on, especially after the few nights out they had.

"She's McHot." Alex countered quickly, glancing over his shoulder at her. When he noticed her watching, he shot her a wink. He was a good friend.

"McYeah she is." O'Malley chimed up.

Addison tried to contain her eye roll at that. She headed towards the lab with the blood sample. She had been doing most of the 'scut' herself today, trying to walk off her frustrations and stress. The only other way she could think of for relieving stress was to get blackout drunk and unfortunately she couldn't really do that at work. So, she was stuck with walking all round the hospital; she was sure that her body would thank her for exercise over alcohol one day (her feet certainly wouldn't, the heels she had picked out that morning were rubbing painfully).

She looked up and saw both Mark and Derek heading her way and froze, both of them doing the same. Her husband hastily turned and practically ran off and she attempted to do the same when she heard Mark chasing after her.

"Oh come on." He called after her. "You're not even a little bit happy to see me?"

She stopped, whirling around on the spot to face him. All of the day's (week's) anger and frustration bubbled to the surface; apparently the exercise wasn't doing a good of a job as she originally thought. "Go home! Whatever it is you came here to do, just drop it and leave."

He looked upset and she momentarily felt guilty for yelling at him. It really was only momentarily, the memories of New York quickly quashing any regret. "Hey, we all make mistakes Addison. All 3 of us…" She said his name, attempting to interrupt but he carried on regardless. "But somehow, somehow I lost my best friend and the woman I loved."

Her gaze shifted to the floor. "Please don't say that."

"He doesn't know how we felt." She winced as he raised his voice at her, suddenly aware of all the prying eyes and ears in the hospital. "He doesn't know you stayed with me after he left? How do you expect to work out a marriage if you can't even be honest with him?"

She let put a soft sigh, rubbing her forehead against the pounding that was beginning to start. She felt drained. "Why are you here?"

"For one reason: to bring you home. I miss you, Addison."

She met his eyes and tried to reply in what she hoped was a decisive manner. "I'm in love with my husband, Mark." The words felt heavy as they fell out of her mouth, something she couldn't even bring herself to dwell on at that moment. Maybe one day soon she'd address that.

"But he's not in love with you." She averted her eyes again, the words cutting her even though she had suspected that they were true for weeks. She didn't know what she would do if they were. "He's in love with that intern and he's not even trying to hide it. Why would you even want to stick around for that?"

She looked up at him, shaking her head slightly at his inability to understand as she walked away. After all the mistakes all of them made in New York, after all the problems, the hurt and the heartache, she didn't understand how he thought there could possibly be a future for the two of them. She couldn't help but wonder if maybe she was blinded to that truth too.

If, after everything that had happened, there really was no way for her and Derek to ever move forward.

* * *

Addison spotted Derek in the elevator, dressed to head home and saw the doors begin to shut. She hurried towards the elevator, holding her hand out to keep the doors open, slipping in next to him.

She hadn't spoken to him since being in Richard's office earlier, hadn't even seen him except their brief awkward encounter in the corridor a few hours previous. Based on the previous frostiness, she already had a feeling that this wasn't going to end well.

"Hey." She greeted tentatively.

"Hey." He didn't glance in her direction and she could see the tension in his jaw.

"I haven't seen you all day." She hedged.

"I didn't want to see you today."

The words hurt more than she thought they would, especially as it was what she had suspected all day. She attempted to hide the upset in her voice, but she could tell it wasn't very successful. "It's not my fault he showed up Derek."

"I know." He didn't sound like he knew at all.

She focused on buying her tongue before she said something she couldn't take back, when the doors opened on a new floor to reveal Mark. He stepped in and the two of them hastily moved to the side out of his way, the elevator feeling far too small and Addison having the distinct feeling of the walls closing around her.

"Don't beat yourself up." Mark's voice cut through the insufferable silence.

"I'm taking the stairs." Derek muttered angrily, stepping out into the corridor.

Mark stopped the doors from closing again, calling out towards him. "Oh come on." Her husband stopped, turning around. "How come you can forgive her but not me?"

"I didn't forgive her." Addison couldn't stop the sad smile from forming on her face; the comments still hurt but they no longer surprised her. "With you I have no obligation to try!"

Derek walked away and the doors slid shut. She leant back against the wall, closing her eyes as she felt the exhaustion spread through her.

"Your marriage is over Addison." Mark's quiet voice cut through the elevator and she opened her eyes somewhat reluctantly, regretting it as he seemed to take it as a cue to step closer to her. "All you have to do is admit it. And you can come back home with me. I'm going to the bar across the street." He lightly brushed his hand across her cheek, while she fought the urge to flinch away. "Meet me there."

He moved away as they reached his floor, leaving her alone. She felt so tired, so sick of all of it. For a brief moment she contemplated his offer; the thought of running away and leaving her problems behind was oddly comforting. Then she thought about the last time she tried that level of denial, when Derek first left New York. It didn't work then and it wasn't going to work now.

She was just going to have to deal with everything head on.

* * *

Addison sat in the lobby, tapping her heel anxiously as she killed time before she had to head home. She had no desire to face Derek any time soon; she knew that they needed to talk about Mark but she highly doubted that either of them were in the right state of mind for it that evening.

So she rested her hand on her forehead, rubbing her temples against the headache that had formed there. She was hesitant to spend the night in an on call room, feeling as though she had spent far too many in there recently. Unfortunately, she couldn't see any other option.

Addison heard a giggle and looked up, spotting Alex walking through the lobby with his arm on Izzie's waist. She couldn't help but shake her head, a smirk forming on her face at the exact moment he looked up and spotted her. She watched him mutter something to Izzie, before leaving her standing alone as he headed towards her.

"What you smirking at Satan?"

"Nothing." She denied quickly, before raising an eyebrow at him. "So… It's Izzie."

He raised an eyebrow back at her. "Maybe."

"She's forgiven you then?"

He shrugged. "I'm going home with her, aren't I?"

Addison let out n involuntarily snort of laughter. "Oh she has _not_ forgiven you."

"Whatever, doc." He frowned down at her. "What are you doing sitting here?"

She debating saying anything, looking down at her hands, twisting her rings anxiously round. Eventually she drifted her gaze back to Alex's face, taking a deep breath before replying. "I'm avoiding going home."

"You're plan is to spend the night in the lobby?" She just shrugged as he dropped into the seat next to her. "That's it I'm taking you to Joe's, doc."

"What about Stevens?" She nodded towards the girl who was still waiting awkwardly in the centre of the room.

Alex shrugged, bumping his shoulder against hers. "You know what they say: bros before hoes."

Addison wrinkled her nose at that. "There is so much wrong with that sentence I don't know where to start."'

"Oh come on, I was being nice!" He protested, chuckling at her.

"Jackass." She muttered, watching him walk off before she could protest. He talked to Izzie for a second and she winced at the angry look she threw at the pair of them as she stormed off.

He came back over to her, holding his hand out and pulling her to her feet. "She looked pissed with you."

He just shrugged in response. "She'll get over it."

Addison doubted that but didn't say anything. "We can't go to Joe's." She blurted instead.

"Why not?"

"Mark told me to leave Derek and be with him in New York. He asked me to meet him in Joe's." She admitted.

Alex just tugged on her hand and pulled her to his side. "So what?" He pressed a kiss to her temple. "It's our bar. We'll just avoid him."

Addison still felt reluctant but followed him anyway, allowing him to drag her across the street and into the bar. She froze when she saw Mark leaning against the bar and talking to Meredith. She knew this was a mistake and she probably would've bolted straight out of there if it wasn't for Alex still holding her hand pulling her to the bar.

Mark and Meredith looked up and caught sight of her, she adverted her gaze to the surface of the bar, as though that made her invisible to him.

"Addie? You really came?" She heard the hopeful note in Mark's voice and it pulled on her heart painfully.

"This was a bad idea, Karev." She whispered to Alex and he squeezed her hip lightly.

"We were just getting a drink." Alex replied pointedly, before turning his back on them and ordering them both a drink from Joe. She bit her lip but went along with Alex's cue, despite the guilt she felt.

They slipped into a booth and she drained the vodka martini he bought her in one sitting. "You want to talk, doc?" Alex asked tentatively.

She felt herself soften slightly as she saw the concerned look on his face. She knew he wasn't the sort of person to usually deal with emotions and feelings; in fact, she never saw him show anything but his usual sarcasm to all his friends.

"Can you keep a secret?" She replied eventually.

He shrugged. "For you, doc? Maybe."

She shook her head at his answer, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. "I stayed with Mark." She blurted and he looked at her in surprise. "In New York, after Derek left. We were together for 2 months."

She looked at the table, scared to look up and see the expression on his face; she was sure it would be judgement. "Did you love him?" He asked softly.

She shrugged. "I thought I did. At the time. Now I just…I don't know. I was lonely. And scared. Scared I'd messed everything up and scared to be alone."

"You didn't mess everything up." He protested weakly and she finally looked up and gave him an incredulous look. "Okay maybe you did. But you're hot, you can get away with it."

"Sexual harassment." She muttered out of habit, kicking him gently under the table.

"Does Shepherd know?"

She shook her head guiltily. "You won't tell him, will you?"

"Of course not." He answered immediately, reaching a hand over and squeezing hers lightly. "You know I've got your back, doc."

"You're a good friend, Karev." She said earnestly, not surprised at how he shrugged the compliment off as per usual.

"Can I ask you a question?" She nodded her assent. "Why did you leave New York?"

She hesitated at that, playing with her empty glass. "He cheated on me. Mark. More times than I can count. I think he didn't think I knew...or he just knew that I was too scared of being alone to do anything about it. One day, I walked in on him with this peds nurse and I just...couldn't anymore."

"You deserve better." He replied adamantly.

She raised an eyebrow skeptically at that. "Do I?" He opened his mouth to protest and she cut him off, not in the mood to be placated. "I think I need more alcohol."

"That I can do. I would suggest tequila but I'm not sure you're up for it." He teased, a smirk forming on his face.

"Jackass." She replied, unable to stop the smile that formed on her face in response.

* * *

Addison returned home that night to stony silence from Derek, sliding into bed next to him as he turned away from her. She could feel the effects of the vodka martinis she had downed, the alcohol making her emotions more pronounced (not helping her forget like she had hoped). She fell asleep with tears running down her face, already dreading the next day.

When she woke up the following morning Derek was still not talking to her: stuck somewhere between acting like everything was fine and open hostility. She would prefer if he vented. If he yelled at her, called her names, kicked her out, _anything._ Got it off his chest so she knew where she stood. She even tried goading him into it, asking him repeatedly to talk in the hope it would annoy him into doing it. When that proved unsuccessful she had just stepped from the trailer with Doc, resolving to avoid him too.

It was only 2 hours later when she realised she had a problem. A _big_ problem. (An _itchy_ problem). She was mortified as she walked past the interns, desperately trying to walk normally, the pain causing that to be difficult. She wasn't oblivious to their glances; Alex giving her a bemused look to which she just shook her head to.

She made a beeline to Tucker's hospital room, the relief she felt at seeing Miranda still there flowing through her. "I need a consult." She blurted.

"I'm not working." The other woman protested immediately, a wary glance thrown towards her husband.

Addison wasn't planning on taking no for an answer though, not with her 'problem'. So she cleared her throat through her embarrassment, trying to emphasise the importance of the situation. "Miranda, _I_ need a consult."

She must have gotten through to the woman cause before she knew it she was on a table in stirrups, desperately attempting to hide her mortification. Not that it was hard considering how uncomfortable she was, or how much pain she was in.

"Oh no."

Her heart dropped at Miranda's proclamation. "Please don't say that."

"Addison, I am so _so_ sorry. You have poison oak." She groaned loudly, tipping her head back onto the bed and covering her face with her hands. "Where nobody wants to have poison oak."

"Oh god." She breathed out.

How fucking _typical._ Her life truly was a train wreck. She cheats on her husband, gets cheated on multiple times by her…Mark(?), runs to get her husband back, finds out he loves another woman, endures months of self loathing, Mark turns up again and now she had God damn _poison oak._

She needed a drink. Again. Badly.

* * *

Addison endured calamine lotion, steroids, an ice pack, a minor mental breakdown and an unfortunate joke or two at her expense when the door to the exam room she was currently occupying opened and she felt her adrenaline levels spike as panic ran through her.

She knew it couldn't be Miranda; the woman had gone to check on her husband, explain the situation (the details of which she had forced her to promise to keep hidden) and how she was going to be just a little while longer. That meant that whoever had come in was someone she definitely did not want seeing her like this.

She held her breath and stayed exactly still; as though that would somehow mean that whoever had walked in would leave without walking around the curtain and seeing her. Unfortunately she had no such luck.

"Karev, get the Hell out!" She snapped when she saw who it was, glad that she had sat up and closed her legs, preserving some of her dignity, inspire of the paper sheet still spend across her lap.

He frowned at seeing her, ignoring her words as he moved to the side of the bed. "I was meant to round on these rooms…Dude, whats wrong with you?"

"Nothing!" She protested indignantly, shifting uncomfortably as the pain flared up again.

"Come on, you know you can tell me anything, doc." He smirked at her and she found herself irrationally getting annoyed at him.

"I told you to leave, jackass."

His smirk disappeared at that and, instead of it having the desired effect and causing him to leave, he perched on the edge of her bed, resting a hand on her shoulder. "Tell me."

She took a shaky breath, looking at her hand which was fiddling with the edge of the sheet rather than looking him in the eye. "You have to promise me you won't laugh."

"I can't promise that." He answered immediately and a smile tugged involuntarily at the corner of her mouth.

"I have poison oak."

He frowned at that. "Why's that so embarrassing?"

"I have poison oak…here." She made a vague circling gesture with her hand and he burst out laughing, causing her to hit him hard.

"Seriously?" She nodded sheepishly. "Oh man, that's rough. How the Hell does that even happen?"

"I peed outside. In the woods." She mumbled.

"You? Seriously you, Satan in heels, peed in the woods?!" He managed to get out between laughter.

"Yes, okay? I peed outside!" Addison paused to take a breath as she realised how loudly she screamed at him. "Derek was refusing to talk to me, to even _look_ at me after yesterday so when I took Doc for a walk this morning, I just…I didn't want to have to go back in and see him again."

She finished explaining quietly and Alex, seemingly noticing her switch in mood, stopped laughing and squeezed her shoulder lightly. "I'm sorry, doc."

She nodded in thanks at him. "Me too."

They sat in silence for a while; the moment seemed too tense and too serious for the two of them. Addison found it uncomfortable, used to the majority of their friendship being playful flirting and insults. Alex clearly felt the same way as a moment later a smile crossed his face.

"Can I see it?"

"What? Absolutely not!" She replied, looking at him incredulously.

"Oh come on, I've not seen a case of poison oak like this before."

She hit his arm hard. "Did you not hear where I told you it was? Jackass."

His smirk only grew wider. "Oh, it's fine. I'm a doctor."

"No."

"Come on, it's a teaching opportunity! Just quickly."

She rolled her eyes at him before lifting the hem of the sheet, not knowing what possessed her to do so. He stood up to look, tipping his head to the side as he caught sight of it, peering closer. "Huh. That is one nasty rash."

She quickly dropped the sheet back down. "Get out."

"What? It's true." He protested, chuckling slightly. "There's blisters."

"I'm not joking."

"Satan." He muttered teasingly, chuckling louder at the glare that she threw his way. He leant forward and dropped a kiss on her forehead, before heading towards the door. "I'll come back and check on you later, okay?"

"No."

"Great." He grinned and she shook her head in despair at him, a smile forming on her face regardless. "See you in a few hours, doc."

Addison watched him walk out, the smile growing in her face. She was glad he came, in spite of the constant humiliation she was going to feel every time she thought of this moment. He had made her smile for the first time that day and she was going to take that as a win.

* * *

Addison was making her way through the lobby, heading home with Derek when Alex caught up with her again.

She had come to some kind of truce with her husband; the two of them sharing what felt like their first honest conversation and laughter since she had moved to Seattle (and perhaps even before that). Despite this, however, Derek still bristled when Alex grabbed her arm, stopping them from walking.

"Doc, is your…problem all sorted?" She was about to automatically say something snarky in response before realising his concerned expression was genuine.

"You told him?" Derek hissed at her in surprise.

She ignored her husband, turning to Alex and using her free hand to pat her handbag. "I've got a lot of stolen camomile in here, Karev."

He snorted at that. "Trust me, you are going to need a _lot_ for those blisters."

She didn't think it was possible for Derek to get any tenser beside her but she was wrong. "You let him see…" He spluttered, stopping and turning to face Alex. "Karev, you saw my wife's vagina?"

"He's a doctor." Addison echoed Alex's weak excuse from earlier.

"You had Bailey take a look and treat you." Her husband responded flatly.

"It's a teaching hospital?" She argued weakly, the words sounding stupid even to her.

Luckily for her, Alex jumped in with a response. "Dude, don't worry. I didn't see anything other than those huge gross blisters."

At this point, she was about ready to throttle him and only the fact that Derek looked marginally more relaxed stopped her. "I hate you." She mouthed silently at him instead.

He just winked in response, the smirk on his face driving her nuts. They were interrupted by a nurse approaching them, asking for a quick word with Derek. He seemed reluctant to leave her alone with Alex, but followed the nurse off regardless one last frown shot at her before he left.

She spun to face Alex as soon as her husband had gone, hitting him hard on the arm. "Jackass." She spat at him.

"Ow!" He protested, rubbing the spot which her hand came into contact with and faking a wounded expression. "Satan."

"Oh don't give me that look, Karev. You deserved it." She tried to give him her best glare, the one she usually reserved for scaring interns who hd pissed her off. It had no effect on him, however, and he just chuckled and pulled her into a one armed hug.

"You're hot when you're pissed off."

A smile snuck onto her face at his comment and she tried to hide it from him unsuccessfully. "Back at the sexual harassment again."

He winked at her again and she shook her head slightly. "In all seriousness though, is everything okay? You know…down there?"

She resisted the urge to hit him again as he nodded towards where he was talking; her cheeks flushing an alarming shade of red in embarrassment. "Fine." She cleared her throat awkwardly. "Now lets never speak of this again."

"Sure thing, doc." He frowned and studied her expression carefully, causing her to feel awkward and avert her eyes from his. "Are you okay in general?"

She was about to lie and say she was absolutely fine but when she opened her mouth something different came falling out. "I think its karma."

"The poison oak?"

She nodded earnestly. "I slept with Mark, cheated on my husband and now the Universe is paying me back."

Alex burst out laughing at that, not flinching at the look she gave him. "Oh that's crap, doc. Trust me the Universe does not work like that. I've done way worse stuff than you and nothing like that's happened to me."

She still wasn't convinced and it clearly was obvious as he softened slightly. "Look, you're a good person, doc. A couple of crappy decisions doesn't change that about someone. The Universe knows that."

He bent to kiss her cheek and she nodded her head in thanks. "I've got to run anyway."

"Oh? Date with Stevens?" She teased.

"Izzie stood me up." He said flatly, before forcing his usual smirk back on his face. "So, I've got a date with the bar."

She smiled at his comment, giving him a quick wave as he walked off, jumping as Derek's voice sounded from behind her. "I don't like the fact you're friends."

Addison bit her lip in an attempt not to outright start laughing; her husband had made that fact _perfectly_ clear over the last few months. "You've mentioned that."

"And yet you are still friends." He muttered, as they headed towards the doors.

She let out a heavy sigh. "You don't control me Derek. I can have friends and I can choose who I want them to be."

He just nodded, a thoughtful look on his face, as he climbed into the driver's seat and she rested her head on the passenger window, closing her eyes briefly. She was exhausted, itchy and fed up; she didn't even want to try and dwell on what her husband was thinking about.

She desperately tried to take comfort in the fact that her life could really only get better.


End file.
